All Wet

This boy has hated water on his face since he was about a year old. So much so that washing his hair caused him to vomit. I have put him in swim lessons here and there over the past few years as much for the cheap OT as for learning the strokes. I could teach him that much, I took Water Safety Instructor in college.

He has been working toward getting his face wet, and all of his hair. His instructor is GOLD in my book. She knows him and will push him some, but not over his limit. They also let them wear goggles. :) He also has a little brother who is in Level 1, the big guy is in Level 2. He doesn't want little brother to catch up with him, and I told him the only way to make it to Level 3 is to start putting his face in. And in true Patrick fashion, he did it on his own time. At first he was dunking his head while wearing his "float" (one they use for class). Then after the float was off, he went all the way under with just a hand on the side of the pool. I could have fallen out of my chair!! And this wasn't once, this was repeated at least a dozen times!

Sorry the picture isn't great. My phone doesn't zoom too well, and he wasn't under for super long periods of time either ;) Mine would be the one "belly-down" in the front :D

The light is shining brightly

Today is a day I wasn't sure would come. Today I got to look at The Boy's annual re-evaluation scores. This year he moved up to a harder test due to his age. Last year he still used the Early Childhood test, and still scored 2-3 1/2 years behind his chronological age in motor skills (both fine and gross). This year he did 4 tests. Two for gross motor; two for fine motor. On one of the gross motor tests he scored AT HIS AGE!!! And the other one only 6 month behind. On the fine motor tests he scored 6 months behind on one and 1 year behind on the other. His OT and I were not too concerned about that as when you look at the scores from each-he is in the "average range".  Did you read that? HE IS AVERAGE! :)

INSERT HAPPY DANCE HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fists pumping, happy tears, twirling...and all of that!

Okay I am back. And his OT said that we are about to be done with OT. Not tomorrow, but soon. I am thinking less than a year soon....I am hoping like in 6 months soon. Not because I hate OT-much to the contrary, I will bawl like a little kid who has lost her ice cream to a dirty sidewalk on that day. No, I am happy because it will make a world of difference to not write a $200 check twice a month, but also because, IT WORKED! My guy is a fully functioning member of his classroom. His writing is as good as most of the boys in his class, better even.  Not bragging my kid is better-just that for something he has struggled with for so long he is there. He has made it!

I see it in his work this year. I see it in his confidence this year. This is an awesome feeling!

Now, he still has SPD. He WILL ALWAYS have SPD.  It's likely that around adolescence we will need to visit an OT again.  This is a neurological disorder and when the brain goes through major shifts it throws things back off "balance". He's gonna be my picky eater, and he may never color perfectly in the lines or be a star baseball player, (though neither would his mommy or daddy). He's gonna fit right in the middle with the rest of the kids :) And THAT makes me happiest of all :D

Being Involved, but not "Helicoptoring"

So back to school is BUSY! I don't do "fall sports" with my boys because just getting back into school is enough! However, I did sign them both up for swim lessons, weird I know-but I sign up for NOTHING in the summers too! I prefer playtime to structured time, call me old fashioned. And according to a bunch of new studies, old fashioned is on the cutting edge again...but I digress...

So the big boy wanted to join Cub Scouts, mostly at my prompting. He LOVES it! He loves his uniform, he loves the Den meetings, he loves the Pack meetings, he loved the Rain Gutter Regatta we had last weekend. More over, I think he likes being a part of something. He's fully included. Partly because Momma is the Den leader. Now, I came to this position because there wasn't anyone else stepping up. There are only 4 boys in my Den currently, and since they are Tiger Cubs, their parents have to come with. With my teacher background, planning the meetings are fairly simple (at least to me). But I don't have to worry about how someone else is treating him, I am there with him. I don't give him "special treatment". But I am there, and he likes it that I am there.

I am also one of the room mothers for his classroom again this year. I got my first chance to help in his room a week ago and LOVED it! I got to read the class a story and help with an activity while we celebrated one of the teacher's and Clifford, The Big Red Dog's, birthdays. I get to help in his room, but only when invited (yes I can show up whenever, but don't abuse the privilege). And he still likes it when I show up :) I love being there, but I know that I can't be there ALL the time.

It works well for me to sit down with his teacher before school starts and then once school is going I back off and see how things go. I can contact his teacher at any time. My only concern this year has been his lack of eating much for lunch. Tricky thing to learn to eat in 25 minutes while having fun with your friends. However, he has to learn to do it. My only concern was if it was affecting his afternoon learning and behavior, the teacher assured me it wasn't and so we let it go and I pack less in his lunchbox.

You know what I learn? He can do it. If I constantly stand over him, I undermine his confidence. By me being there 24/7, I send the signal that he can't do it on his own. If the end goal is an independent human being, then I fail him if I am there ALL the time. I think the balance is hard for any parent to learn, let alone those parents of special needs children. And I know it will change over time, and I will constantly be finding a new balance as he grows up. But that is my job as mom ;) And it's a pretty awesome job to have!

Mid August Musings

There are days when I think, I didn't sign up for this! Visits to a pediatric GI specialist who had the worst bedside manner with my son. Hello, you are in peds, at least EXPLAIN what a "rectal exam" means to my son before you start and don't leave me to do it for you! :( And meds to induce bowel movements and the laundry from said things....*sigh*.....it wears on a momma. Trying to get his body and brain to work together is no small feat.....


Happy notes include there being two 1st grade classrooms this year! :) And a new principal who worked with kids who had SPD in her previous school. Insert happy sigh here! :) One little boy who is super excited to be in 1st grade now, and one mommy who really sees the value in having given him that extra year of Kindergarten.

When I bring home new rain boots for the boy and I am now the best "mutter" ever! :) And when I dress up to go out with Daddy, and they tell me I am pretty. Yes, I did sign up for this. The good with the bad. That is life...and we go on.

When you give birth to opposites

This week continues to be a challenge...especially when you give birth to children with opposite sensory needs. Since the big boy's accident we have been laying low around the house. One, because he can't get his dressings wet or dirty; and two because I am exhausted. I am mentally and physically exhausted. I have still not been sleeping well, and last night the big boy had a rough start, and therefore I didn't sleep as well hearing each and every noise.

However, my younger one is bouncing off the walls...L I T E R A L Y!!!!!!!!!!! I took him with to the doctor's office for the check of the big one to at least get him out of the house...we made a trip to the library to get our weekly prizes, but neither of these are what he really needs...time to run and jump and play-outside!

And now it's getting hot again....how I wish we could take him to the pool and wear him out. I can hope that the big one is cleared for some water things after his visit tomorrow with the specialists. For now, my awesome hubby is giving the small one some jobs outside for a bit to help burn off some energy....

Some days are just hard....

Though,honestly, the day hasn't been bad...there have just been moments that are hard. I am still in mental recovery from the ER visit this weekend. I know most people can deal with things in a day or two, but I take a little longer...and come to find out we are throwing PMS into this mix and I am kinda surprised I haven't been committed to a padded room yet, or gained 15 pounds....and the boy's family (birthday) party is this weekend, my house is a TRAIN WRECK!

Here's when my mental "train" derailed....about the time that the boy, who has been on clindamycin for 72 hours spiked a 101 fever.....only 5 hours since he last had motrin. I dosed him again and an hour later he was 102.6 :( Poor baby was just shaking and shivering. I got him to take his antibiotic on the first try which he promptly threw up 5 minutes later :(

I have already called his pediatrician and we get to call after 8 am to make an appointment to see him tomorrow. This could be related to the finger injury, however, it's possible we have a stomach virus in addition to the finger injury as his smaller brother did the same thing Sunday night. When the little one did it, we chalked it up to the vaccines he had gotten about 48 hours before and the chaos and sunburn of Saturday....maybe not....

Oh and we leave for vacation in 10 days in Tampa....where the tropical storm is located currently. And I know the storm will be long gone, but this is the 4th named storm and the "season" just started 25 days ago.....now I am really glad I shelled for the trip insurance!

*SIGH*

The injury

So 2 days after the boy turned 7 he and his brother found some chunks of concrete and decided to play with them. Thus landing us in the ER for the first time (with one of my kids). *Sigh* Where to start....I don't know that this post has much direction...I just need to get it out somehow....

First off, my super awesome husband is (today) on his way home from a week long mission trip to Alaska to help teach Vacation Bible School. He missed all of the fun ;) I am super thankful for my friend who is a Pediatric Nurse Practitioner and lives 5 minutes away (she also has 5 years ER experience and experience working with children who have Autism). God couldn't have crafted me a better friend for this situation.

I was working in the yard weeding and watering when the boys came out to play. I didn't plant our garden behind the garage this year because we are going to have work done back there. This spring when our electrician trenched a new line to the garage he put the extra concrete back there so it can be hauled away with the rest later. The boys went to play behind the garage and I figured they were digging in the old garden and at 7 and 4, I don't watch them like a hawk like I used to. So it wasn't until I heard the screaming that I rushed back there....

Blood all over his hand, and dripping on the ground. I grabbed him and dragged him to the house with me nearly falling on the way in. This was bad and for once my brain stopped working. I can typically think in an emergency, this time, the thoughts flew so fast I couldn't corral them. I got him to the bathroom sink where I turned on the water to flush the wound and saw it was deep. It was gonna need stitches. I have purposely avoided the ER with my super sensory kiddo, and there was no avoiding it this time. UGH! I ran around the house trying to find my phone and then sent a facebook message to my handy PNP-who thankfully was on facebook and tried to call me and eventually just headed over. She concurred with my thoughts on the hospital. She got a hold of her husband who took my youngest, her 3 year old and her 7 year old, while we took my 7 year old and her 11 month old to the ER. She stayed with us and helped keep us both calm. And I am SUPER thankful for her husband's willingness to take on my extra kiddo and spare his wife as he had them at the baseball field for his 7 year old baseball game, and then played a concert last night 45 minutes from where we live. At the college we all graduated from.  I am also thankful for all of their friends who stepped up to watch the 3 while my PNP's hubby was setting up and playing for the concert. Like my friend said, it takes a village, and sometimes that village is spread out far and wide!

Thankful for living near a big city with a brand new Children's hospital. It was 40 minutes away, but well worth the drive to get to a place where they only treat kids and don't look at you like you have 4 heads when you say he has SPD and is over-responsive. They look for ways to help! The doctor put his sunglasses on him when she turned on the bright light to look at his finger. And it was agreed that he needed to be sedated in order for the work to be done by an orthopedic doctor. Amazingly he cried at certain things but never got so upset he threw up :) He had to have an IV line put in and monitors on him and he weathered it all so well. I was so proud of him. I stayed with him until he was settled, but didn't stay for the procedure. I needed to go have my post-adrenaline cry. I had shed a few tears here and there, but hadn't had time to really let it go. And I still will need a few times to get it all out :( In all they removed the fingernail, put in 6 stitches (that dissolve HOORAY!) and placed a splint in the nailbed until his new nail grows out. Thankfully no broken bones and it's on the pinky finger of his non-dominant hand. Here he is sleeping off the sedation, you can see his bandaged hand.

The next hurdle is the antibiotics....he is on one of the nastiest tasting ones.  Did I mention he is SUPER taste sensitive? It's bitter, really bitter, so we have pills and have tried to open them and put them on food. HORRIBLE!!!! I even tried it-YUCK!!!!!! Again thankful for my handy PNP who can get the boy to swallow the pills, I cannot despite trying everything she does.

So I can say that our first ER experience wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, but I really don't want to ever go there again ;) If you live anywhere near Chicago, the new Lurie Children's Hospital is worth the drive for sure!

And then he was 7

Happy Birthday to my big boy that has taught me so much! I hope you enjoyed it and mommy will muse about your 7 years tomorrow...now it's time for bed! :)

AAAAHHHHH Summer

What I recall as happy carefree and lazy days of summer from my youth are not what my son senses....he is stuck in chaos. I have tried to concoct a written schedule, but things happen...like being overtired. We had a week to try and regulate after school was over before Vacation Bible School started at our church. Both the hubby and I help with it, and the boys LOVE going, however, it's a lot for the big one to take in. We had a CRAZY busy weekend before VBS started so that didn't help anyone. We also have a pool pass and it's been 90+ around here for about 6 days, cue going to the pool for an hour or so every day.

I have 2 tired children and one that REALLY doesn't process so well, and it's so much worse when he is tired. Tomorrow will be more of a "down day" but still buys as I have to get my van to the shop, up the street, for brake work; I have a tutoring student, and should take the boys to the library to get their prize for this week. If I am really thinking about it I should get the snacks I need for Bible Study on Thursday as it's the big boy's bday then and I am not sure I will have time that day....and this is a slow day ;)

Somewhere in here I need to clean, the tumbleweed on the floor is gross, and do laundry.....

I dunno that I will ever get the consistency that my son needs in the summer. I hope that there is a positive to this somewhere....I can hope....

I could Homeschool

I have always said I don't think I have the self discipline to homeschool my kids. I am not a big fan of schedules and prefer things a little more loosy-goosy. However, the more time I spend with my oldest son, I realize he NEEDS a schedule, and it can change so long as he knows what is happening.  I realized this a month or so back when I started scheduling his after-school time. He got so much time to unwind when he got home and then he had chores and homework (if the teacher didn't assign any, he got work from me). It works great! He doesn't fuss in the least when it's time to turn off the TV and clean the bathroom or fold clothes or work in his handwriting book. I came to realize I would need to continue this into the summer. Day #1 today (I take weekends off!). We went to the zoo, so that took up most of our day, but that was excersize (he had to walk) and outside time. Once home I knew everyone would need some "rest time" so they got to watch TV but no netflix, wii, or computer time. Then I gave him about 30 minutes on the computer until we could pick up dinner. We love Papa Johns pizza for cheap, quick dinners! After dinner it was chores and homework. Neither child fussed at all.

Summer homework consists of journaling for both boys. My little guy (age 4 yrs 1 month) has a poly-folder with 3 prongs that I inserted blank computer paper. He draws and dictates words to me. The younger one has "scissors" workbook as well as the preschool Handwriting without Tears workbook.

My big guy (age 6 yrs 11 months) has blank pages at the top and double lines (ala handwriting without tears) at the bottom for him to write.  The older one is almost finished with the Kindergarten level of Handwriting without tears, and the 1st grade level (the grade he is going into) should be here within the week. He also has a Kindergarten level math book, but really his only issue this year is knowing the names of coins. It's an easy fix to teach those. If he can tell me the name of the coin and the value, he can keep each coin I show him. I don't think he will be missing too many more.  I also bought a 1st grade "reading book" where you copy the stories to make mini-books, the boy will read it and fill out the comprehension worksheets at the end. Honestly, his ability to read is his strongest asset to him. I intend to keep it that way.

And in our "regular" (non "field trip" days) I am scheduling in time to play outside. And time to play inside (with electronics off).

From what I know of my friends and other blogs I follow, who homeschool, this is what their days look like. Yes, there is more curriculum involved for science and social studies, but I have always sold myself short, saying I didn't think I could. I can and really I do! Not planning to pull the boy from regular school anytime soon. Just happy to know that if the need ever arose, I could do it!

It makes me cry....

I heard about an article bashing SPD. I didn't realize it came from the AAP :( I didn't read it right away because I knew it would just upset me....it did. I am almost in tears. How can you say it doesn't exist? I wish you could have met my son at age 1 when he didn't do joint attention, or at age 2 when speech was slower to come, or at age 3 when he still HATED having his haircut, or at age 4 when we were just starting to potty train. Or now at age 6 almost 7 where is functions just fine in a regular class with regular kids. Don't tell me that the hours of OT didn't work! Don't tell me that brushing him every 2 hours for 6 months didn't help! I saw these things with my own eyes! Other people have seen them too. They have seen my son become a regular kid, with just a few quirks....If you really don't believe me, fund the research. Research the disorder, research the treatment.  Fine, figure out if it's part of what you are now calling the "umbrella" of Autistic Spectrum Disorder....see you people don't have it all figured out either. You, those with white coats who sit on review boards who give the criteria for mental disorders change things every few years. Here's the thing...with all "mental" disorders you are talking about the brain. Yes, there are some things that all people's brains do, but all brains are just a little different. And you (the medical and scientific communities) don't know all there is to know about the brain. So before you go telling me what my son has doesn't exist, spend some time with us and let me enlighten you!

:(

SPD Foundation, link to ABC news article and Dr. Lucy Jane Miller's response

Musings not related to SPD

So today I took the big boy to the grocery store with me. Really it's one of them super-center things, like a super Wal-Mart or Target, but not those stores.....I typically do all of my shopping during the week and usually in the mornings. I needed a few things so we ran together. This store has toys to amuse the boy...but I digress.....

This post is about another mom and her two sons. My son (the small one was at home napping with daddy) and I were in the ice cream aisle, to get ice cream. There was another mom and her two sons, dressed nicely, as if they had just left church. I would guess the boys to be about 2 and 4. Her younger one was in the cart, but kept trying to climb out. The older one had put some ice cream in the cart and she was telling him no. The boy got very upset and began screaming for the ice cream. Mom told him she wasn't getting "that" one, and that there was some in the cart already. She told him it was time to go, and began to walk away. He wouldn't follow her. He opened the door and got the ice cream back out. She tried this again, 2 more times.

At first my brain started judging....kid needs a good talking to, mom should just pick him up....and on....but then I stopped and really thought about it. I felt bad for the boy because at one point she said if you want that ice cream you need to tell daddy to get a better job :( My heart broke for both of them! And while I haven't thought my husband needs to get a better job, I have thought about a job needing to find my husband. I remembered those super scary months when no one in our house had income or employment. I can feel her pain.

And so I decided to take control of my thoughts and offer some compassion. My son and I were done getting our ice cream, and as I walked past her, and her screaming tot, I looked at her and said, "Been there, Done that-I hope that your day gets better after this!" And you know what? You could see her visibly relax ;) She smiled and said thank you. I don't know if the boy got the ice cream he wanted, but I did hear mom talking to him about why he didn't want the one she had. And maybe she just needed a little reassurance that it's okay that kids through a fit in the grocery store, they are kids after all. It was 98 degrees here today and it was about 2:00 in the afternoon...the kid was probably tired. I know that just having someone say that to me, when my kids are having a rough day (usually in church because they are supposed to be kinda still and kinda quiet) makes all the difference to me ;)

So I challenge all of us out there to extend a kind word to the next mom you see struggling in the grocery store or even just a smile. Her kid might not be undisciplined....they might be having a REALLY bad day....your kindness could be all that is needed to turn that around!

The Soccer Game-Guest Post by the Hubby

Greetings everyone, I am the husband to momma2boys and father to 2boys.  While momma2boys was home with a feverish number 2 son, I took number one son to his soccer game.  His performance compelled me to write.

He pariticipates in 'munchkin' soccer (ages 4-6) and has had a good year.  We have been happy that he goes after the ball instead of cowering or ambling about in a confused manner. He has having a generally good time and is getting better about managing himself when gets overstimulated in practice.  We keep him in soccer because he asks and seems to like it.  

Well, this past saturday was a defining moment for him.  His team, the orange team, was playing the blue team.  Both teams play with heart and spirit.  Both teams have mix of competitive children and ones who are just getting how the game works.  There is a young lady on the blue team, who I swear is the flash incarnate.  When she breaks away from the swarm of feet and the chasing of the ball...look out!  I repeat, this is not just wild hyper energy, this kid is really really fast.  I have a feeling she will be breaking hearts and track records in about ten years.  

Number one son had a great first half of defense.  He actually kicked the ball TO his teammates, and stayed involved in the game.  I was pleased as it was.  I remembered the days when the missus and I would be happy that he would kick the ball once.  Then, coach put him in as goalie.  Ordinarily in the past, he has been placed as goalie and the stronger kids as forwards.   Action would be at the other goal and he would be content to sit back and watch.  Well, today would be different.  

Indeed, action was centered at the opposite goal for a good while.  Then, out of the swarm, "the flash" broke free.  Hurtling down the field at breakneck speed, ball firmly in control, she had her sights set on our goal...and my boy...  It was one on one, flash vs the boy.  Faster and faster, and yet in slow motion the ball was destined for an easy goal.  She let loose on a firey kick to the goal, and then, suddenly, quick as a cat, he pounced and captured the ball with deft precision.  Cheers erupted from the orange faithful parents.  He did it!

He managed to stop a few more goals before he became over exuberant and got out of the goal box and was scored upon twice.  While he may not be destined for a sports career, or even the next level up from munchkin, he has come along way from the days where he would be engulfed in a hoodie, picking grass, and would not play without one of us on the field with him.

And, because of rain outs, the season is still young!  One step at a time, one foot in front of the other.  Celebrate the small victories, and who knows what's ahead. 

What will blogging about the boy do in the long run?

My son is highly sensitive to using "therapy tools" in school. As in he WON'T! No matter what I try or say, he won't use them at school because they make him "different". This makes me wonder just how he is going to react someday when he reads all of "THIS". You know my blog, my posts on the  SPD Blogger Network, my presentation for school teachers. All of the posts about him and what makes him different. I could talk to a stranger on a bus (not that I take the bus, but you get my point) about SPD to teach them about it, to make them aware. I will talk to anyone who will stand still long enough to hear about it, I can't believe I didn't know about it. I can't believe that no one that we came into contact with (doctors, school teachers, my own teacher training) had never heard of it.

 I wonder though how this will all affect him in the long run? Is he going to become an adult who despises the fact it's here on display? Will he appreciate the fact that I was trying to raise awareness? Or will he be upset and feel his privacy violated?

I don't have all of the answers? And I doubt I will stop because I know I have helped others, but I question...is it fair to do it at his expense? Does writing this violate his privacy? I am not profiting from this. Is harm being done? There is no malice. I guess I just wonder about all of this? With the viralness of the internet will a future employer use a "google-like" search engine and find this? If so, will it help or hurt him?

Thoughts to ponder......

The Experiment....

So I am trying something new this week with my boys....a written schedule of afternoon activities. Times are laid out for when they can watch TV, play video games or on the computer. Times for chores (I am finally trying to implement some) and time for homework, dinner, and soccer practice (thankfully only twice a week). So far, the boys are doing VERY well with it. Me, it's taking some adjustments. I am not a "schedule" person...I like to do things more loosie-goosie. 

However, sometimes change can be good.....
On Monday-the older one mopped the living room and dining room, and took out both bathroom's trash, and the small one was taught/helped clean the upstairs sink and toilet. They each sat down and did a page in their Handwriting without Tears book-without complaining. Today was soccer practice, so I only made them put away their clothes, and do one more page in their handwriting books. Last night the younger one melted down when the no more TV/computer time came. But tonight, he was happy to pick out a board game to play!

And this is forcing me to do a couple of things. One, stop and spend more time with them, rather than flitting about checking things off my "to-do" list. And really isn't spending time with your kids the most important thing a parent can do? It's making me spend my time more wisely. I can't hop on facebook or check email multiple times a day, because I need to get things ready for them to do. And I know that I will have to stop at some point to help them work on their homework, help them complete their chores, and help them figure out how to entertain themselves when the electronics go off....and they can do the last part fine on a weekend day, just at that time of the night they are getting tired and don't want to put as much effort into it.  I am also helping to teach them life skills. Often I find it faster/easier to just do it all myself. Which this is very well true, they are only going to get more grumpy about doing chores as they get older. So working it into life now, will make that a bit better ( I am hoping) or at least, I am not trying to start something new with them when they are older.

So we shall see how this goes.....hopefully I can stick with it longer than a week. The older one is doing well with this as I type it up and print it out. So long as things are in writing it's not me "nagging" or "bossing" him around. I promise to update at some point and tell you if I have continued on ;)

So it has started....

This past week when the boy gets mad at me he tells me that he isn't going to be my son anymore. Just yesterday he told me that he was going to run away. He was going to pack up his important things and take a bus. Not sure to where, he didn't say and I am trying to not engage him in this.
  Yesterday it was because I tool the Wii away from him. He was getting frustrated, and I told him if he didn't calm down I would turn it off. Well he got mad at that idea and then pounded the remote into the couch! So I turned it off and took the remote from him because he wasn't treating it correctly. I never raised my voice or shamed him. Stayed calm and quiet the whole time ;) (score 10 bonus points for me; whomever keeps score of these things). 
  I sent him up to his room at the start of the meltdown to get his body under control. Told him that he could come back down when he was calmer. I am not sure if he went all the way upstairs...but the threat of packing and taking a bus followed shortly thereafter. I told him when he was ready I would love to cuddle him. He told me never that he wasn't my son, but was in my lap less than 1 a minute later.
  It's hard on my 3 (will be 4 in 10 days) year old son. He was worried that his brother was really leaving. And do I think the older one would be capable of doing it one day? Yep. Am I going to worry about it until then? Nope. I just reassured the little one that big bro was angry and he would calm down. The little one was sweet when I was pretending to threaten him with something tonight (and it was a good something, like tickling) he told me he would always be my son ;) God gave me that one for comic relief ;)

Anyone else with Sensational Kiddos been through this? Advice on how to handle? It's been a rough couple of weeks with a giant sleepover (we took care of friends' kids for 10 days while they chaperoned a band tour out of the country) and now we are on spring break and have been sight seeing, and the week in-between the boy's teacher was out to take care of some family needs. I am not sure if it's all of the "disruptions" or a phase or both. And he does NOT want me to brush him (the brushing therapy)! I am not sure how much to push and how much to let him figure out. The boy will be 7 in June.....

So it's okay, right?

So why does it still upset ME that the boy won't participate in things? He isn't upset by it at all? He told us yesterday and this morning that he was not going to hunt eggs. And he stayed true to his word. He did not hunt eggs. He knew that no one was going to share their candy with him and he was okay with that. He even helped his buddy get all of the candy from his eggs and never once asked for any. His buddy was kind enough to share.  After the egg hunt at church we went to Bass Pro Shops to let them blow off some steam and feed them before bringing them home. He wouldn't do the craft nor participate in this egg hunt either. The one there was even more calm-get a bag, find 5 eggs (all over the store) and trade empty eggs for a bag of candy. No crazy egg grabbing....no running..."no thanks," he said.

I am guessing there are 2 reasons why it upsets me. The first is I am sad that he doesn't have the same memories as I did as a child. I LOVED egg hunts and getting my picture with the Easter bunny (well once I was old enough to not be afraid of strangers ;)  I loved making crafts places and doing all of these things and I wanted to enjoy them with my kids too. And I should be thankful for the one that does like to do these things. And I am...just sad that it isn't both.

Which leads to the next reason. It is yet another glowing reminder that he is different. And not that different is less. It is just different, and some days that makes me sad.  And it is okay to mourn what I don't have, so long as I don't dwell on it and can celebrate the things we can do. For example. He attended the egg hunt without a meltdown.  I know for some families that would be a small miracle in and of itself. He very clearly stated that he didn't want to hunt eggs, and we did not force or try to coerce him into it.  He went from that "chaos" to Bass Pro Shops that was a little more chaotic and got even more so by the time we left. He didn't have to walk around with his hands over his ears all day. He didn't require any special sensory things. He wore his hoodie over his head to block some sounds and otherwise was pleasant to be with all day. He even told the waitress what he wanted and ate it when it came, which he picked out all by himself when he looked at the menu.

He is a dear sweet little boy and I love him so much. I pray that he doesn't even think my disappointment in situations is disappointment with him.

Life Lessons

So yesterday was a "rough day"...well more like a "rough event". Let me explain....My husband and I were preparing the house for friends to come and celebrate a fun Mardi Gras dinner with us. He was cooking and I was cleaning. Our oldest was content to play in the basement rumpus room as he does not like the sound of the vacuum, and the younger one joined him when he woke from his nap. Just before our friends were due to arrive, the boys came upstairs and spoke of what they were doing downstairs (I mistakenly thought they were playing with the Duplo blocks down there). I heard "and then the baby rode the trash can, and crashed through the window". Hmmmm???? There are a few dolls down there for the little girl I watch....trash can????? Windows??????  "Hey guys, you weren't playing with my dollhouses were you?" "Oh, sorry mom for breaking your dollhouses." quips the older one like it was nothing.  Well, it wasn't "nothing". :(

Here is some back story on the dollhouses so this makes more sense for the rest of you.  They are "cheap" put-together kits. Not necessarily designed to hold up to the F1 tornado created by my boys. They have not survived being moved twice that well. However, they were built by family friends who are no longer on this earth. AND they were my favorite "toy" when I was a girl, hence them still being around when I am well into my 30s. I hadn't decided their fate, as I have 2 boys, and likely not going to "try" for a girl. I had been thinking that I would share the furniture with friends' daughters when they were old enough, as they are toys and toys should be played with. Which is one of the reasons they are out where the kids can get at them. I don't mind them playing with them. I do mind them destroying them.  So back to that part of the story.

Immediately after the boy "apologized" I went down to survey the damage....they broke the stairs of one, and all of the windows (most are not fixable) and they broke the door off. They also broke the legs off a few pieces of furniture. I was immediately incensed! I screamed back up the stairs for them both to come down, which they did very hesitantly. I yelled at them about how upset I was and how disappointed I was in them, that they need to take better care of all things especially those things that are not theirs! I made them pick up the pieces off the floor and sent them to their beds. I resisted the urge to spank them, because at the point, I knew I was out of control emotionally, and that I would have been spanking them in anger, and probably wouldn't have hit them once or twice. I also resisted the urge to break something of theirs....somewhere I had the thought that this needed to be a "life lesson" not a "we got punished because mom was mad at us" lesson. And to whomever tallies these things I want bonus points for this!

Of course shortly after they were in their rooms our guests arrived, which forced me to calm down-probably a good thing. I went to their rooms and talked with them. I let them see me cry and how sad I was that they broke something of mine and that I was really disappointed in them. I told them that I would need to think about their consequence and talk it over with dad and let them know in the morning.

I chatted with my hubby last night and we decided that they would lose all of their legos, and magnetic blocks...they will have to earn them back by doing chores. I made them pick them all up and give them to me when they got up today. I think they are sad about it, but with so many other toys, do they notice? I hope so.

I am trying to find that  balance between getting them to feel the weight of their actions and making them feel like bad kids. How to teach them respect for other people's things....that is the life lesson for them here.  Not over-reacting and inflicting a "punishment", and actually teaching them their life lesson, is MY life lesson here.

Anyone know of a book about this?  My older one does well with books that speak to the subject.

Eureka!!!

So round about 5 pm the boys morph into crazed little wrestling monsters. They are always too rough, someone gets hurt, and then there is yelling involved (from me). Telling them to stop hasn't helped. Doesn't matter if they are or are not watching TV-and we are talking PBS, Dora, or Go Deigo, Go, relativity good TV.  The last 2 nights I have imposed "homework". I have required both boys to come into the "den" (I need a good name for this new room. It was a family room, but we moved the TV out and the computer in, and purchased a new 2 person desk. It is also open to the kitchen. But I digress...) I have given them each some theraputty to work with where the 3 year old has the easiest one and the 6 year old gets one of the harder ones (not black-blue or green). I have hidden some beads or beans in each that they get to find (and work on small motor strength) and then they do paper pencil things. The big one works with his Handwriting Without Tears book and the small one does things out of my preschool teacher books. They LOVE it, and they are much calmer when they are done. Sometimes I can cook/clean the kitchen while they are working, sometimes I can't. But it's a short time to use to get them calm. So, this will now be standard practice...and I hope to keep my sanity through the "witching hours" of 4:30-6:30....

A Bouncy House

I do hate the weeks "off" of OT, while it is much easier on the pocketbook; it makes for a child who bounces all over my furniture...not that we have the nicest of things, but still. And while I can deal with it most days, it also makes for a child who bounces off other people's furniture.  And a child who manages to hurt himself because with that SPD diagnosis is also a lack of  'grace', otherwise known as clumsiness. 

Now the good SPD momma would set up some sort of OT like things at home, and most days I do-but sometimes I get tired of doing it, and there is a mini trampoline in the basement-he didn't want to use today :(  Some days I want to sit on the couch when it snows and read a book, or take a nap. Of course those are the days I pay for it, in the form of a hyper sensory seeking child who ends up breaking something or hurting himself and me grumpy :( I also don't like rigid schedules, but thinking I need to get better about one for the time that he is home. Which is yet another reason that homeschooling doesn't appeal to me at this point. Let someone else set the schedule for him.

Torn

Deviating a bit from the norm. This post is about the younger one. The one who has no diagnosis, but has his own quirks.....The boy who will be 4 in 3 months and up until 4 days ago required a pacifier to fall asleep. Well, I guess I should say that he got a pacifier to fall asleep. I'm not quite sure he is doing okay without it. 

The part that has be so torn is that yes he is almost 4 and still uses a paci-aka a "sucky". I know that it may alter his bite in the orthodontia way. Yes, to my very well meaning family, I know that he needs to learn to self-soothe. I appreciate your concern, I really do. However, you aren't helping us, his parents, when your statements sound judgmental. 

He needs melatonin to fall asleep on a good night. Why are we taking away his other "crutch"? He has never been a good sleeper. He has a VERY hard time calming himself down when he gets upset. He's not likely going to go to Kindergarten with it so what is the big deal if he has it?  If he sucked his thumb he would do more damage, and it would be harder to break. We limit his time to just nap and bedtime.

And honestly, I am not looking for an answer here. I am not looking for people to tell me that I should give it to him until he's 23, or that I am a horrible mother who should have taken it away before he was a year old.  I guess I just need to get it all out to see where I stand. It isn't easy being his mom. And when you combine all of the different needs in my family is this something that really needs to be dealt with now?

I think that if he has another hard time without it, and asks for it. He will get it back and we will try again in a few months. He isn't hurting anyone else by having it and when I told him the paci-fairy could come and bring him a gift. He said that he would rather have the paci back.