Sensory Friendly Bathrooms

Okay I just gotta gripe. I live near Chicago and my family and I are regular visitors of the zoo and the many museums around here. And we are so blessed with these experiences! However, in the name of being "environmentally friendly" in the bathroom we are freaking out a whole bunch of people with SPD!

1. Automatic flushers scare the beejezus out of both of my boys. I appreciate that ones that go up for #1 and down for a #2. And I know that some people can't be bothered to flush, and seriously, get over yourself and just flush already!  It's gross, nobody wants to see it. Anyway, my boys don't like not knowing when this is gonna go off!  It's enough to handle it when they know the flush noise is coming, let alone not knowing! And yes I know the post-it-note trick, I just don't always think to have those in addition to all the other sensory things I already carry!

2. Automatic hand dryers or hand dryers of any sort. Please provide paper towels or my sons will be wildly waving their hands around in the air or better yet wiping them on their pants. I guess I should carry some of those with too.

3. Smells. Yes, body waste smells, however, those nasty deodorizers smell worse. So, now, imagine if you will...my son's are both with me, in the handicapped stall, both have their hands to their ears due to the flushing and hand dryers. I have to help them sit (they both sit still) or hold their ears so they can do it. All the while trying to keep them, and myself from upchucking due to the nasty deodorizer smell, which really just mingles with the body waste smell to make even someone not sensitive to smells wanna vomit :(

So what would I love?  A family bathroom with a door/walls around the toilet. Why? Because my BOYS are 3 and 6 and have questions about things on my body. And where do I put them when I go?  Anyway, back to my "dream" public bathroom....one with walls/door around the toilet. One with both hand dryers (for those who want) and towels for those who don't. One without an automatic flusher (or one that doesn't go off for 5 minutes!) Some way to vent fresh air into the room rather than the stale air of the building, and throw out the nasty deodorizers! While you are at it can you make it pink or purple? I am the only girl in a house with 3 boys! Thanks ;)

The Lethal Combo

A tired, anxious, counting-down-the-days-to-Christmas, SPD child and one tired super PMS momma, do not a good combination make :(

Early bedtimes for all and tomorrow is a new day! 


And I did apologize when I put him to bed for yelling. Just wish I would have been able to restrain it better, know it was the SPD and not just him being a "brat". I held back some of what came into my mind to say, just wish I could have stayed calmer. Oh well, I am sure I will be tested similarly again and I hope I do better next time!

The Vacation Let Down-why they are so important!!!

My husband and I *just* got back tonight from a fantastic 3 day trip to New Orleans.  I can't say enough about the city, I could seriously move there tomorrow.  We went, sans kiddos, to celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary. We were long overdue for some time for just us.  We often send our kids away for a night here and there, but haven't gone away ourselves for over 10 months-and that was just downtown Chicago-only 30 minutes from where we live.  About 3 months ago I told my hubby that we needed to GO AWAY for this anniversary.  We needed some time off.  Don't get me wrong I LOVE my boys and missed them terribly.  However, it was awesome to be able to go out together and not be "separated" by the boys.  We could converse and hold each other's hands, not our kids. We had the BEST time!  I miss NOLA already ;)

Now comes the let down.  And while mine is there, and the fun of having my husband all to myself, this is more of my son's.  Our 3 year old faired pretty well.  He was so excited to see us when we arrived just before bedtime tonight.  He had chatted with us on Skype twice this week.  He really liked seeing my husband and I and talking with us.  Our older son, doesn't not like Skype or the phone.  And he is the one with the "let down".

So far he has had two bathroom accidents, one of each variety. And I got a recap of a fire safety movie when we were tucking him into bed-3 times.  We tried to keep things as normal as we could but when other people are taking care of them, different things are going to happen.  And it's really gonna be okay!  He has to learn to "roll" with things on occasion.  Life can't always be controlled and predictable.  Of the 3 nights, only one was spent in a different house, and he was in school all day, which is the same and fairly predictable. His teacher was well warned of what was going to happen.  Thankfully, neither of the bathroom accidents happened at school. 

What do you do when your kid has a fairly severe case of SPD?  If you are married, you invest in your marriage!  You go, and pick up the pieces when you get home! Our job (my husband and I) as parents is to equip these little fledglings to one day fly from our nest. I don't want to look over on that day, and see a stranger married to me.  And my sons need to learn to deal with different authority figures.  Now I don't think that my husband and I will be able to plan a 14 day vacation anytime soon, nor could we afford it, but 3 days was just perfect.  Enough time to reconnect and dream together again.  And just enough time for our son to cope with some changes, but not to the point he was overwhelmed.

Ideas for older Students

Please comment under this any ideas you have for older, 4th grade and up, students.  I am making a presentation for my son's private K-8 school in less than a week.  I have a presentation that is geared mainly to Early Childhood, as that is how old my son is, and it was an Early Childhood Conference that I first presented this information too.

Mommy and Daddy Time

The hubby and I are about to embark on a 3 day whirlwind, trip to New Orleans.  This is the longest I have been away from the kids in their whole lives.  I am so excited to spend 3 days with my husband and start the celebration of 10 years of marriage!  However, I am equally scared to leave my boys.  They will spend one night at a friend's house and then 2 nights at home, and then we are back.  Trying for minimal disruption for the SPD kiddo and his somewhat sensitive brother. All we can do is wait and see......

Our conversation at bedtime tonight :D

I am remembering this the best I can.....I soooo wish I would have had a recording device!!!!

P:"Mom, Carrie died.  I miss her".  Me, "I know honey, we all do". (Carrie was in his class last year and lost her 6 year battle with a brain tumor this past Saturday at the age of 7 :( We attended her funeral together on Wednesday)

P: "How did she get to Heaven?"; Me:"Jesus came and carried her to Heaven."

P: "How?"; Me:"Well Jesus can do anything, He's amazing.  He carried Carrie, like he carried Grandma Schuller and Grandpa Jerry."

P:" And Mrs. Ullman too." (at this point I am crying-Mrs. Ullman was a beloved Sunday School teacher who died of rare bladder cancer at the beginning of June)"I still miss Carrie."  Me:"I know, and Jesus knows too.  He comes and gives us hugs when we are sad."

P:"He gives us hugs when we are sad with His hands, just like you mom." (momma trying to hold back tears) Me:"Yes, honey, just like that."

P:"Jesus loves us mommy." Me:"Yes, Jesus loves you even more than I do." P:"Jesus loves me like you do, and he takes us to His house in Heaven when we die."

There there was some more conversation about Jesus and prayer and talking to God and Jesus.  Then he comes back with:"Church is God's house.  Our church in Munster, Indiana-you can see his eye (those of you who have been in our church you know that there is a huge stained glass eye shape above the alter). He doesn't talk there because you can't see his other eye or his nose or mouth."  (okay so that had me giggle a bit!)

Then the conversation turned to us on the Earth...worms that live in the Earth.....then to subway trains should be called "earth trains" like worms are called "earth worms".I almost hated to make his little tired brain go to sleep-and still wished I had tape recorded this conversation!

And I also know that I need to not talk like he isn't listening.  He hears it all and processes more than I realize.

I'll even take the meltdown today....

Heaven gained a dear sweet angel on Saturday morning.  Carrie no longer has cancer or pneumonia or a blood infection.  God made her perfect and whole once again.  :(

My son fell into a futon (of his own clumsiness) and has a huge gash in his lower lip (fully inside, no stitches) and knocked his two upper front (baby) teeth loose-neither of the bottom teeth are loose yet.  He is on no gym, recess, or other rambunctious behavior until they heal. :(

Tonight he had an epic meltdown-over not setting the table.  Of which when asked he told me he didn't want to.  I gave his brother the job and he lost it.  Stomping and crying and yelling.  Not wanting to eat dinner.  It took well over a 1/2 hour and me moving his plate back to the counter for him to set, and get his sticker, before he calmed down.

I'm gonna guess one or both of the above problems is triggering this.  Carrie's funeral is tomorrow, we are going.  I decided that the wake would be too much for him this week.  We are also taking him home 1/2 day, as he is on a soft food diet for 7-10 days. :(

But he's here with me, for better or worse.  So is his little brother, who also has been having epic meltdowns-he just got potty trained and started preschool today. Hopefully, we have many more tomorrows.  I'm not sure how I would handle it, if there were no more :(

The Dinner Meltdown-Mine

So we are into the second full week of school. 

I am not back into the "right body clock". 

The toilet overflowed into the kitchen and also into the basement-onto the baby paraphernalia stored down there.

Had to make a weekday run to Target with both boys (who thankfully were really good since I let them bring their wallets and buy something).

I am totally craving tons of chocolate-and not supposed to eat too much since I am doing Weight Watchers to try and get to a healthier weight.

So when the boys protested dinner....I went into a 2 minute lecture about how I was gonna send them to bed, or take their new toys back, if they didn't stop fighting me RIGHT NOW and go eat.  And really eat, not 2 bites and call it done.

Now, I know that "losing it" this way isn't that "bad".  It could have been much worse.  But I still just didn't like myself for a minute.  Did I mention that I wanted to yell at my hubby for not telling me the toilet was going to overflow into the basement? And it is his birthday today! 

And I am trying to potty train the 3 year old as he starts preschool in 6 days! 



Can we say Mommy is on overload?  The SPD kiddo had a rough first week back and took a mental health day on Friday (after vomiting Thursday night-and was TOTALLY fine the next day).  We considered holding off the 4 full days for a while, but have decided to 'stay the course' for now. 

Mommy needs to take some deep breaths, go to bed early, and relax.  It will all work itself.

When we disagree

So the boy isn't dealing with the new school year as well as we had hoped, but better than last year.  We went from 1/2 day Kindergarten, to full day Kindergarten.  His teacher suggested that maybe we back off 4 full days (he is 1/2 day on Friday's due to our OT time), to maybe just 2 or 3 for couple of weeks. I tend to agree.

His father isn't on board with this though.   Now before you start thinking this is gonna be one of those "mommy the gate-keeper bashes daddy" let me tell you, this isn't one of those!  I love my husband and he is an amazing dad.  I value his input and being with me for nearly every conference that we have had for the boy. 

So what do you do?  There are many options available to me.  I can override him and just do what I think is best.  I can just go with his option.  Or we can talk about it; give it a rest; pray about it; and then talk some more.  Right now we are on option #3.  We have talked about it, and we both have valid reasons for our points of view.  We aren't at compromise stage yet, so we are thinking some more and praying.  At some point soon we will "reconvene" and discuss again to see if either has shifted their point.

So what's my point here?  My husband is a powerful ally in this.  I very much value his thoughts and the fact he is willing to go with me and be involved with our sons is best for all of us in the long run!  If I override him, he will stop giving his opinion.  He will stop being so involved because I will be acting as if I don't need him.  When in reality there is nothing further from the truth!  God created 2 parents for a reason, balance.  My boys need need that balance!

Pattern for Weighted Blankets

This is the exact same pattern I used for my boys' blankets.  Someone kindly spelled it all out and took pictures :)

Spreading the word

I was given the gift to share my knowledge of SPD with over 80 Early Childhood Professionals today!  :)  Shared the "this is what SPD is" side along with the "here is what you can do to help these kids" side.  So far, I have heard positive feedback.  It's always hard to put yourself out there, as someone might reject you and what you are saying.  Though I know that all good things involve some sort of risk.  If nothing else 80 more people are talking about it and have some great resources to look up when they have questions about SPD!

I don't normally like surprises, but.....

Last year on our vacation we went on a Dune Buggy Ride near Silver Lake, MI.  I am not sure what I was thinking it would  be like, but it was like riding a roller coaster.  I enjoyed it immensely, and so did both of my boys, including my kiddo with defensive SPD!!!!  Had I known ahead of time what the ride was like, I know I would have vetoed the event, and kept my son from an experience he LOVED and talked about for months.

Fast forward to this year and 8 more months of therapy.  My son, who still has to wear a visor when we wash his hair, learned to "swim" with his life vest on.  We no longer have to hold onto him and reassure him that he will be fine, like we did 2 years ago.  In fact, 2 years ago we had to drag him in the pool, crying and fussing.  Just this past Saturday, he JUMPED into the 5 ft end of pool!!!!!  He didn't announce it or otherwise let us know he was gonna do it, he just did it! He was wearing his vest so he popped right back up, spluttering a bit. He then happily announced I went under the water and didn't cry!  No but his momma did a bit-I was so proud of him!!!!  He only did it that one time, but that was one more time that I ever thought he would do! Maybe it's time to try swim lessons again?

What does all of this mean for me the momma? I am learning not to "over-protect" him.  This is so hard for me to learn!  When he jumped in the pool, I told my husband, who was closer to him at the time, to grab him as he came up.  My husband told me to "chill out" that our son was fine, and he was. It also means not putting up barriers for him.  He will have some, but it's letting him decide where they are going to be.  It's letting him and even encouraging him to step outside his comfort zone.  It's providing a varied experiences for him to see, hear, try new things.  It's always believing he can, even when he doesn't.  I know that all parents struggle with this, but I think parents of kids with special needs struggle with this even more! I have to learn to step back and encourage, because you never know when your child is going to surprise you with something amazing!!!!

Why do I second guess myself??????

Regarding the Kindergarten decision....
About a week ago the now 6 year old, came up to me and said; "Mommy, I don't think going to Kindergarten again is a good idea." WOW!  I didn't really have a good answer for him so I sorta deflected it so I could consult with my husband.  My awesome husband said we will just sit him down and chat with him about it again.  Staying-the-course is going to be the best option for him.  I agreed, but still had that nasty pit in my stomach.  We hadn't found a time to sit him down, and our camping trip came up last week.

Then came the aftermath of the camping trip.  It was 4 days of not-the-same routines in a new place (same pop-up, new locale).  Lots of outdoor time, tempered with lots of movie watching (which is one way he self-soothes).  Hiking and swimming and walking about a block to use the bathroom.  A side note here, the boy has issues with interoception and will not have a bowel movement when we aren't at home or a familiar relative's house.  Add that to the fun mix! Now don't get me wrong, he LOVES camping.  Has a blast, but is always ready to come home and our longest trip was 5 days last summer. 

Came home on Friday, and Saturday we just stayed home.  I probably should have insisted on more sensory diet activities, but I thought I would let him "veg" a bit, and honestly, I wanted to too! Saturday whenever something didn't go his way he screamed(very unlike him)!!!  Sunday morning I had him get himself dressed for church which he did well, until we were literally trying to walk out the door and he walked up to me with his clean underwear in his hand, and tears in his eyes.  We were already running late, so I told him he would have to wait until we got home and changed into "comfy" clothes.  Oh the wailing and gnashing of teeth! I just became the worst mother on the planet, because I didn't let the boy change his underwear (and he had a bath the night before and went to bed with clean ones on!)  He raged at me for a good 20-30 minutes.  He told me that he wasn't going to hold my hand in the parking lot, and that he didn't love me or like me.  Thankfully I was able to stay calm knowing what the REAL problem was.  After a while in church he came and sat by me and I began applying deep pressure ;)  in the form of hugs and stayed with me the whole time.  By the end of the service he was calm and composed.  I had thought about letting him change and being later for the service, but I thought every so often he has to learn how to deal with these things.

Back to my point about second guessing myself.  I realized that I cannot send "that" child to 1st grade.  The one that rages for 30+ minutes when his sensory systems are all out of whack.  It is his social/emotional learning that needs another year.  His cognitive ability is fine (and above normal); which is what was making me second guess myself.  I know in a "perfect world" schools would be able to give my son the sensory breaks he needs, and all would be well.  But the reality is that isn't the case.  He is in a parochial school because the public school couldn't offer him any services; 18 months behind in gross and fine motor wasn't enough of a delay to qualify for an IEP.  So he will get another year to learn how to cope with a world that is too loud, too bright, and too fast for him.  And my already smart boy will be even smarter for it!!!!

And I did have the conversation with him about going to Kindergarten again.  I told him that he got to do 1/2 day Kindergarten last year, and Full Day Kindergarten this coming year, and then he would go to First Grade.  His issues all along was that he thought he would not ever go to First Grade. And I made a big deal out of nothing-not totally unlike my son ;)

Taking Care of #1

....or at least trying too.  I have joined Weight Watchers and I am trying to ride my "new to me" bike everywhere.  Why post this on my SPD blog?  In order to be a better mommy to my kiddos, I need to take care of me first.  I have also been doing a lot of reading about "margin".  For example: ifiwriteallofthewordstogetherwithoutaspaceitisveryhardtoread! 
Similar things happen when we have too much scheduled in our lives, at least that is true for me.  I have been trying to release some of my commitments, but due to unforeseen circumstances, I am playing a more major role in our church's VBS.  And it is the big kiddo's birthday in a week, which means a party at my house in 10 days.  So mommy is on stress-overload....which makes me not such a great mommy.  I have no patience, I am tired, and I have "no time" to play with the kids.  Not a great combo for the SPD kiddo who is off of his normal routine, and coping with a week of VBS.  Thankfully daddy is home tonight to take some of the fun (like the 2nd pair of poopy undies in 2 days from the nearly 6 year old) and put them to bed so I can blog, finish invites, and run to the store, ALONE!

Write this down...progress on the eating front

...oh wait I am!  Last week he boy ate spinach-WILLINGLY!!!!!  He helped himself to the salad bowl and put a piece on his plate.  Drowned it in ranch dressing and ATE it!!!!  Can you see me doing the dance of joy????  Then the next night he ate 3 pieces!!!!  Holy cow!!!!! Two nights ago he ate 1 piece of steak!!!  This child shuns beef, and he ate it!!!!  Then to make me dance again, he ate his hot dog yesterday.  This is quite the miracle for the boy who only eats McDonald's chicken nuggets, and his typical protein sources are peanut butter and dairy!!!!!

and now I do the dance of joy!!!!!!! :):):):)

Not really a step back

So today I started "brushing" my son again.  It has been 2 very busy weeks.  He also is recovering from a cold and has problems with his allergies.  He was very willing to let me start up again, as we haven't done it for 9 months!  Hopefully this will help him over this "hump"

The Law of the Garbage Truck

I saw this in a friend's facebook notes....how true is it?

One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport. We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And, I mean, he was really friendly. So I asked, 'Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!' This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, 'The Law of the Garbage Truck.'

He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you. Don't take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets. The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day. Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so... Love the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don't. Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it!

Have a blessed, garbage-free day!

Sensory Overload

What a week.....This past weekend we celebrated our youngest child's 3rd birthday and Easter. The beginning of the week saw me with the stomach flu, and then the day before the party my husband got it!  Since I was so sick on Tuesday, I had "P" stay all day (normally a 1/2 day for him) as I didn't think I could drive to pick him up.  He stayed all day on his normal Monday and Wednesday, so that made 3 in a row.  Then I found out at 10 pm on Wednesday night that his Easter party at school was starting at 1:30, which is normally OT time for him.  He is a 1/2 day kid on that day as well.  When I asked him about it in the morning, he wasn't having anything of it.  He went to school, and I packed his lunch, hoping, but alas when I called the school, they told me that he insisted that he was going home.  He wouldn't even go back with me to stay with him :(  At first I was sad for him, then I realized that he wasn't sad.  Why should I be?  I had rearranged OT for Friday and let him have some time at home.  His evenings had been full with soccer practice on Monday-my hubby taking them out for dinner and errands on Tuesday, and me running my errands with them on Wednesday.  He still had soccer practice on Thursday, but did just fine.  Friday saw me cooking all day (and packing everything to move the party to Grandma and Grandpa's house 45 minutes away), a visit to the OT, which only really got his energy out.  He was so volatile!!! Did I mention that it was cold and rainy all day too? :(  Saturday he spent part of the day at a friends house to go to a classmates birthday party. It was a great idea at first as this other friend was going to take him and pick him up and I would have the last 2 hours before party to get ready with one less kid.  I decided that not sending him to the party would do more harm than good, so he came fashionably late to his brother's party.  Sunday was church and Easter dinner back at Grandma and Grandpa's house. 

Had I known what this last week would have entailed I would NOT have scheduled dentist appointments today.  Oh well...not things that are easy to reschedule, so we went.  And kuddos to him for doing well.  He didn't like it, but tolerated it better than I thought he would have!  No cavities!!!  But he grinds his teeth, a lot...anyone have suggestions for that?  There is no way he'd wear a mouth guard!!!!

A fly on the wall

Not everything in life is gloom and doom....THANKFULLY!!!!!  Tonight as I rested in my bed trying to rid myself of my migraine, I had the privilege to listen to my husband put both of our boys to bed.  I love to listen to them, and as much as I can feel grumpy about having to deal with "bedtime"...I miss being there with them when I can't do it.  They are both very sweet little boys.  They are affectionate and super cuddly!  I do enjoy reading stories with them and talking to God with them.  Our oldest, is so literal, and is also so into everything he learns about Jesus.  Our little guy, who is just shy of 3, has some awesome prayers already.  He thanks God for his school (preschool that the local high school puts on for child development classes), and his toys, and church, and Sunday School.  Really, God is Good...All the Time!!!! :D

So I told him...well kinda....

So my husband and I have been trying to find the "right" time to tell our 5 year old SPD kiddo that he is gonna repeat kindergarten.  Well, he kinda asked about where he was gonna be next year and so I had to answer his questions.  I told him that since he did 1/2 day kindergarten this year, he was going to do full day kindergarten next year.  I also listed off some of the kids I know will be going to his school next year and be in his class.  He asked where he will go after next year and I told him about 1st grade and the teacher that he will likely have (small Lutheran school-not much teacher turnover and one teacher per grade).  When I mentioned one little boy that would be in his class, he came back with "we will have 2 "Sammy's".  Well, not quite.  It helps that the female "Sammy" from this year is going to a different school and that is what I told him.  What I didn't say is that she will likely be in 1st grade and he will be in Kindergarten. 

     Right now he is excited to do full day again.  I didn't want to "squelch" that excitement, and so I left it go without explaining that he will stay and the others will go.  We are pretty sure he will be fine as the year starts as he knows some other boys (and is friends with them) and he also makes friends very easily.




Now I just need to convince the rest of the family that this is a good idea too!

Regulating the internal functions-WARNING Bodily functions mentioned!

So I have been reading, what little I can find, about interoception.  The internal sense that tells you that you are hungry or thirsty or even full. It also helps to regulate your toileting habits.  We have long known this is a problem for our little guy, though the "sense" was just recently identified.  Some days he seems to exist on air, and others he eats like a horse.  Now I know that all kids do this to an extent, but our little guy can take this to an extreme.  Add to that, he had been a horribly picky eater.  That part is getting better from the OT and an electric toothbrush.
Our biggest hurdle has been the toileting problems.  Our dear son was 4 and 2 months before he started to "pee" in the potty-and only then because he desperately wanted to go to preschool.  He was 5 before he started to "poop" in the potty-thankfully he never pooped in his pants at preschool! He is the child who will "hold it" FOREVER!!!! To the point that most of his "movements" have to be broken up in order to flush them-mind you he is all of 39 pounds and still 2 months shy of 6 years old.  My only thoughts are to give him daily fiber supplements and whole grain breads and as many fruits and veggies as he will eat.  And some juice, though he no longer drinks apple (once was an easy staple).  Now he ONLY drinks Capri Sun Fruit Punch (juice only, I don't but the "drink" kinds).
So today he went through 4 pairs of underwear before actually getting the "movement" out.  I try to be patient and make it a non-issue and really it is "leakage"-because the movement is so large. But I really don't enjoy cleaning out 4 pairs of underwear, nor cleaning the bottom of my nearly 6 year old :(  I do realize that there are many parents out there that have to clean up after their kids, I guess I am still not over the "my life is different than I imagined" thing :(

If anyone has any good tricks I am willing to try them!

Food Issues

So today he came home with his entire lunch-minus a few apple wedges and his cheese stick.  When I asked him about it he complained about the jelly. "I don't like grape" he says.  It's not grape I tell him, it's strawberry, I don't even buy grape!  It's the same jelly I have been buying for the last 2 months.  It's the same jelly that he ate on his pb&j sandwich on Monday! "It's sour" he tells me :(  UGH, now what?  Thankfully he only goes a full day twice a week, as he doesn't eat other sandwiches. He could buy a "hot lunch", but they are $2, I and tell you he doesn't eat $2 worth of food in a sitting :(

Plus then I know he is grumpy and hungry all afternoon :( He is ravenous once he gets home.  Probably another reason it will be good he isn't going to move on to 1st grade next year.  OY!

The Decision is Final

We are going to have our 5 year old repeat Kindergarten.  Mommy is going to get over it and then tell the boy.  My husband and I know that he will be a little upset with us at first, but we really think this will benefit him in the long run.  We are concerned about his social maturity (he is one of the youngest in his class, making the "cut-off" by just 6 weeks) and his ability to "hold it together" for a whole day.  His school offers both 1/2 day Kindergarten and full day Kindergarten.  He goes full day 2 days a week and is 1/2 day the rest of the week.  Next year we will have him go full day each day.  Right now he has a hard time holding it together in the afternoon which consists of lunch, recess, and rest time, along with some reinforcement of the week's lessons.   We are afraid that he will have trouble focusing and not melting down in 1st in the afternoon and essentially "miss" the instruction.  He's a very bright little boy which makes this harder for us and for us to explain to our family.  They don't get it.  His pediatrician doesn't either.  I have read the current body of research that states it's horrible to hold a kid back. But I haven't seen this in the kids I know that were held back. And is it better to push a child along whom is going to struggle and feel "behind" most of the time?  We think not.....and well this is one of those times we cannot know both ways.  We can only speculate....and pray we have made the best decision.....

My Own weighted blankets.....

So my thought for making them is really for the 2 year old who has trouble falling asleep. He has not been diagnosed as SPD, but has some seeking tendencies, and has been a HORRIBLE sleeper since birth!  I saw a website for really nice ones that cost about $60, plus $11 shipping.  They are very lovely and well worth the price, but NOT in my budget.  It got me thinking though....I am capable of running a sewing machine...how hard can it be?

So off to JoAnn's I go...found poly-beads $7 for 2 pounds (they would have cost me $9 through Amazon.com) and I was able to find some remnant fabric for $3-4 a yard.  If I had children that truly didn't care I would have looked for cheaper, as it was we compromised on the $9 a yard John Deere fabric.

So my simple plan goes this way.  Fold said fabric (about 80 inches (give or take) in half so that the selvedge(s) are together.  Sew both sides of this leaving the bottom open.  Turn fabric right side out.  The measure 14 inches in and sew another line straight down the fabric.  Measure another 14 inches from the first line and sew another line straight down.  You should now have 3 pockets and an open bottom.

Now for the weight.  You should use about 10% of a person's body weight for a weighted blanket.  My son is about 40 pounds so I used 4.5 pounds (or 72 oz) as my total weight-giving him room to "grow". So I took 72 oz. and divided that by 3, which is 24 oz. That would be the total for each of the three pockets.  I decided that each of the 3 pockets would have 4 sections.  More math again-24 oz divided by 4 is 6 oz.  So each section needed 6 oz.  We have a kitchen scale that measures oz so I used that.

I measured out 6 oz of beads into each of the 3 pockets.  Then about 10 inches from the top I sewed a line across.  I will tell you it is not easy to keep all of those little beads in the right spot, but it was a pretty straight line.  I repeated this for each of the other lines.  For the bottom line I rolled the fabric twice before sewing it.  I have never "finished off" a blanket and therefore do not know how to "edge" it.

I am not not planning for these to serve as the only blanket for the child to use for warmth, therefore there is no batting in it.  The material is thin, like a sheet, so that it could be used in the summer-time.  I plan to use them in the winter on top of another warmer blanket.  It would be possible to put batting in the blanket in each square, but I would assume difficult to "quilt" due to the beads.

NOTE: After the first 2 sides are sewn together all of the remaining work is done on the finished side of the blanket!

I will post pics next week when I am back home and have charged the camera battery ;) It's not the prettiest thing, but fairly simple and all straight stitching ;)

Soft Clothing Give Away!

Soft is a clothing line for children who have Autistic Spectrum Disorders or Sensory Processing Disorder.  They are giving away an AMAZING prize if you enter by April 15th.  Click here to enter the contest! 

Thunderstorms

Thunderstorms used to not bother the kiddo, and during the day he does alright. However, now it seems he is more sensitive to them at night.  If they are really loud he curls into the fetal position with his hands over his ears and screams for one of us.    Tonight I made the classic mommy mistake of mentioning the impeding storm to him.  He became very upset and his hands went instantly to his ears :(  I offered my ear plugs but he doesn't like things in his ears... So we settled on his "ear protection" ear muffs.  Thankfully the storm went around us, and I just sent his dad to go check on his and remove his ear muffs.  Hopefully, he can sleep!

The Upside?

So I was thinking today that there has to be an upside to this whole parenting and SPD kiddo....and I realized it's all the stuff.  Don't get me wrong, there is lots of it, and many a thing I don't own yet.  Plus the cost, we have paid for everything out of pocket, save for the therapy things my son gets as gifts.

But I was thinking this is how I have managed to get through a winter with small kiddos...all of the stuff.  You see we live near Chicago, cold and snowy and my SPD kiddo doesn't like to play in the snow or cold.  So once the Christmas decor is taken down, so goes the dining room table.  Out come the mats and some equipment.  The trampoline gets used multiple times a day.  I also have a child-sized exercise ball that my non-SPD 2 year old loves to roll on.  We also have playdough handy.  We also have a bean box.  We can also put a tunnel out to crawl though.  I also allow (moderate) running and crashing into my couches.

So there .  There is an upside ;)

New Goals

So today Patrick's therapist did a quarterly assessment.  He met all of his goals listed!  ALL!  His therapist has never had a kid do that! He even threw a ball overhand, and stepped with the foot on the side of the throwing hand.  Not totally  correct, but better than the side-arm, toddler-like throw he has had until this point.  He LOVES the swings!!!!  When we first started therapy a year ago, he wouldn't even touch it!  His therapist has to write up all new goals for him.  WOW!!!  Now I know this is money well spent.  Not that I questioned it before and would have stopped, but wow the progress he has made!!! :)

I didn't even realize it!

I was just over on the SPD Blogger Network reading today's post.  It was about a mom who had taken the time to understand what her daughter (who is on the Autistic Spectrum) wanted her to draw. She wrote about her struggle to understand the vague direction, and her frustration in being wrong. Then it hit me-I don't have those conversations anymore!  Even when he is frustrated he talks to us.  He doesn't revert back to quoting TV shows and movies! His speech is still immature at times, but he can carry on a conversation! Even with one of his peers!  I know that I noticed a change by late spring of last year, that his conversations were more "linear" and less cyclical, but I didn't realize how far he has come until tonight!  It has only been about a year and 3 weeks since he started therapy and then took a 4 month hiatus as we didn't have full time income to pay, nor insurance. I can only imagine how much farther he would be if we didn't have to take that break.  But I know that we are going to be able to keep him in for now and that is really what matters!

A total 180

So tonight was one of those great nights!  I posted on Facebook that my 5 year old saw me pick up the Study Bible, to look something up, and then he proceeded to pick up the hymnal, they are the same color and similar in size.  He asked me about mine, and the difference between mine and his.  Then he started to read/sing some of the songs in the hymnal.  All be darned if that kid couldn't read "Jesus", "Christ", and "church".  WOW!  He also knew how to read it, that you read the line of music and then go to the next stanza to read that line.  I recall showing him that once!  WOW! WOW!  Then he got me even more excited when he grabbed his Ukulele and started to play along with the music, just like daddy does! And sing.  It was awesome.  Little brother joined in and I was able to get 20 minutes of video of them playing and singing together. I know that tonight was one of those nights I will hold on to when I have a night like last night, or when they are grown-up and gone. 

One of those nights.....

My mistake. I decided to indulge myself by catching up on my favorite and only show I watch, The Good Wife.  I have to watch it on my laptop as we can't afford cable, and the desktop is too slow.  I have missed a few weeks and thought I would catch one before the kids went to bed.  In hindsight I see that wasn't a good idea.

I noticed a foul smell but assumed it to be the diaper wearing 2 year old.  Again, my mistake. :(  It was the 5 1/2 year old.  Who made a major mess of his underwear and then tried, unsuccessfully, to clean it out.  That was evidenced by the diaper wipes being open and used ones in the trash.  The underwear were not salvageable, but his shirt and pants are soaking in a Borax/H2O solution.  There was poop on the floor, the holder for the toilet paper, and the faucet handles.  It was one of those overwhelming moments that I just wanted to cry.  I tried to just breathe deeply, but the smell was overwhelming :(

I did not raise my voice, score 2 points here for mommy, but communicated that I was very upset with his poor choices this evening.  When questioned about the "cover-up" he admitted that he tried to clean it up so he wouldn't get the Wii taken away.  *Side note, if he has an accident while playing the Wii, he loses Wii time* So I explained that when you do something like that it is like lying and lying is not good.  I told him that has he come to me and told me that he needed my help he would have lost the Wii for a day or 2 (as per our normal "consequence" schedule), but now he was going to lose it for much longer. I still don't know how long, I will consult with my husband when he gets home and decide.  He also lost playtime in the bathtub tonight.  Whatever we decide I know this isn't the last pair of poop filled underwear I will have to throw away for the boy. 

I love him and his wonderful personality, but this is one of those times I wish for him to be "normal".

Disappointed :(

Wow Oprah, you got it wrong this time :(  Thanks for featuring SPD on your show, but you have many of the facts wrong. During the show, 2 young boys were featured.  One had Bipolar Disorder.  The other child was only shown to have a diagnosis of SPD.  Clearly, this little boy had problems.  None of which I have ever seen in my son, or in the other children who have SPD that I know.  They also categorized SPD as a mental illness, of which it is not!  With all of the talent that works behind the scenes at the Oprah show, they should have known this!  So sad that there is now mis-information out there!

Here's your sign!

So yesterday both the SPD Blogger Network post and my Proverbs 31 devotion were about the "balancing act" that all moms do.  Whether you work outside the home, have an "at-home" business, or are *just* a mom [as if you get to sit around and eat bon-bons all day] there is always so much to do.  Throw a special needs child into the mix and boy do you have a juggling act.  Then add in a spouse, family, friends, and volunteer commitments and you really have a show!

The problem, however, is that this frenzy is not good for the soul! What both of these readings said, and what spoke to my heart, is that it is NOT good to become addicted to the frenzy and feel better about myself because I can check off a "laundry-list" of items on my to-do list, including the laundry!  I realized that I teeter between feeling a GREAT sense of accomplishment and being overwhelmed.

So it is time to scale back.  I am so excited that I found someone to take over 1 of my 5 church commitments.  Yet, it hurts to give that up.  I have someone who is willing to take over my moms' group at church as well.  That has been my "baby" for 4 years now.  I really enjoy it!  Yet, I know that it is time to start handing it over to someone else :(  SO HARD!!!  Partially because that means we are done having children, and I haven't gotten myself okay with that.  Then again there is no way I could add an infant to this mix and not be hospitalized with exhaustion.

*Breathe in*......*Breathe out*....notice that the overwhelming feeling isn't so great.....

Mind you I still have 3 more commitments at church, but this is helping me.  I have already decided that in a year when I am up for "re-election" on my Board I am going to decline.  And once I give up my Nursery commitment and my Mom's group commitment I can relinquish my Women's Ministry commitment.

*Breathe*

So the research is worth the time

So while my son is in OT I work on my SPD presentation.  The one I plan to give at the Concordia Chicago Early Childhood Conference in August. I do this while sitting in on his session, thanks to my bff who is letting me borrow her laptop.  My OT said it is great to talk to a parent who knows what is going on.  She said that I could probably be an OT without a degree ;)  While I don't plan on it, it is nice to hear.  Like I was telling my hubby tonight she can talk in OT language and I understand, and can speak it back.  I guess that is what reading 6 books, and spending hours reading things on the internet has brought me to.

Progress!

So today was week 4 of swim lessons.  And he actually put his face in the water!!!!  WOO HOO!!!!!!  He put his face in to get a dive stick that was located at his feet.  What a great activity for him to work on visual perception too!  I am sure that his swim instructor didn't know it, but I was taking notes ;)  He still will not lay back in the water, and maybe never will.  But we are really okay with that. It's all about his timing of things.  The sweet little dear kinda psyches himself up for it on the way there, saying I won't be scared mommy.  There was another little boy who was terrified of the water at the first lesson. He is now "swimming" around with his noodle.  Mine still stays at the wall.  And I am really okay with that.  Swimming is another form of therapy for him.  Great for resistance, and tactile stimulation!

What is SPD anyway? Post #1

I could go on for about 3 days and still not convey all of the information there is out there!  This will be a series......

First off SPD is Sensory Processing Disorder.  It is a neurological condition where the senses and the brain don't communicate properly and that causes a host of secondary conditions.  My son was diagnosed as Sensory Defensive at the age of 4.  I had that feeling that something was wrong by the time he was about 15 months, but couldn't find answers.  His pediatrician didn't see anything wrong as he hit all of his milestones, just at the oldest end of "normal".  As a mom and early childhood educator, my instincts told me something was off somewhere.  I took him to our local public school for a screening and he was recommended for a full motor evaluation with an Occupational Therapist, or OT.  Unfortunately, he didn't have enough of a delay to qualify for services :(  I was so frustrated!!!  Thank goodness for social media.  I was able to voice some frustrations on Facebook and received responses from friends that pointed me to private therapy.  After meeting with his pediatrician I called one of the pediatric rehab centers of a local hospitals and was in for another eval within a week. When the OT told me that my son was "sensory defensive" I nearly cried, in fact I cried the whole way home.  How could I not know?  Truth is the only kids I had ever heard of having "sensory issues" were children who had Autism.
The OT described defensiveness as being on "flight or fight" response all the time.  Even the same repeated sound caused the same fear reaction in my son EVERY time.  Most of us "habituate" or learn to live with a sound, or other sensory information.  We learn that the sound of a timer is harmless and after the second "ding" we can tune it out.  My son couldn't! He had issues with all 7 senses.  Yes, you learn about 5 in school, but there really are 7.  Like I said this will be a series as there is so much information out there.  I am also into spreading the word about this disorder as current estimates figure that 1 in every 20 children are impacted by this disorder.

On another, relevant note.  We are meeting with our son's Kindergarten teacher tonight.  She has had concerns about his development and we are putting "benchmarks" in place to decide if he is ready to move to 1st grade at the end of the year. She is a friend and former colleague of mine, which makes this tricky.  I value her many years of experience, but also concerned that she isn't aware of all of the "new" research in brain development. He is in a Christian school as that is very important to us. But if we, his parents, feel that he is ready to move on, and the school has decided not, we will move him to a new school.  His father and I are both educators, and know what he needs as far as minor support services to succeed in school. We shall see how this turns out tonight!

It's a matter of perspective

So, I want to start blogging to just vent occasionally on how hard it can be some days to have a child with SPD (more on that later).  Until tonight, when I found out that one of the little girls in my son's class is about to lose her battle with brain cancer.  I will take SPD any day over that!!!  I feel for her family.  I just can't imagine losing my baby at the age of 6.  To not see her grow up.  Say a prayer for Carrie and her family.  At least her pain will be over, no more doctors, blood tests, chemo treatments, needles, or surgeries. Rest in Jesus tender arms sweet princess.  We look forward to seeing you again someday!