It makes me cry....

I heard about an article bashing SPD. I didn't realize it came from the AAP :( I didn't read it right away because I knew it would just upset me....it did. I am almost in tears. How can you say it doesn't exist? I wish you could have met my son at age 1 when he didn't do joint attention, or at age 2 when speech was slower to come, or at age 3 when he still HATED having his haircut, or at age 4 when we were just starting to potty train. Or now at age 6 almost 7 where is functions just fine in a regular class with regular kids. Don't tell me that the hours of OT didn't work! Don't tell me that brushing him every 2 hours for 6 months didn't help! I saw these things with my own eyes! Other people have seen them too. They have seen my son become a regular kid, with just a few quirks....If you really don't believe me, fund the research. Research the disorder, research the treatment.  Fine, figure out if it's part of what you are now calling the "umbrella" of Autistic Spectrum Disorder....see you people don't have it all figured out either. You, those with white coats who sit on review boards who give the criteria for mental disorders change things every few years. Here's the thing...with all "mental" disorders you are talking about the brain. Yes, there are some things that all people's brains do, but all brains are just a little different. And you (the medical and scientific communities) don't know all there is to know about the brain. So before you go telling me what my son has doesn't exist, spend some time with us and let me enlighten you!

:(

SPD Foundation, link to ABC news article and Dr. Lucy Jane Miller's response

Musings not related to SPD

So today I took the big boy to the grocery store with me. Really it's one of them super-center things, like a super Wal-Mart or Target, but not those stores.....I typically do all of my shopping during the week and usually in the mornings. I needed a few things so we ran together. This store has toys to amuse the boy...but I digress.....

This post is about another mom and her two sons. My son (the small one was at home napping with daddy) and I were in the ice cream aisle, to get ice cream. There was another mom and her two sons, dressed nicely, as if they had just left church. I would guess the boys to be about 2 and 4. Her younger one was in the cart, but kept trying to climb out. The older one had put some ice cream in the cart and she was telling him no. The boy got very upset and began screaming for the ice cream. Mom told him she wasn't getting "that" one, and that there was some in the cart already. She told him it was time to go, and began to walk away. He wouldn't follow her. He opened the door and got the ice cream back out. She tried this again, 2 more times.

At first my brain started judging....kid needs a good talking to, mom should just pick him up....and on....but then I stopped and really thought about it. I felt bad for the boy because at one point she said if you want that ice cream you need to tell daddy to get a better job :( My heart broke for both of them! And while I haven't thought my husband needs to get a better job, I have thought about a job needing to find my husband. I remembered those super scary months when no one in our house had income or employment. I can feel her pain.

And so I decided to take control of my thoughts and offer some compassion. My son and I were done getting our ice cream, and as I walked past her, and her screaming tot, I looked at her and said, "Been there, Done that-I hope that your day gets better after this!" And you know what? You could see her visibly relax ;) She smiled and said thank you. I don't know if the boy got the ice cream he wanted, but I did hear mom talking to him about why he didn't want the one she had. And maybe she just needed a little reassurance that it's okay that kids through a fit in the grocery store, they are kids after all. It was 98 degrees here today and it was about 2:00 in the afternoon...the kid was probably tired. I know that just having someone say that to me, when my kids are having a rough day (usually in church because they are supposed to be kinda still and kinda quiet) makes all the difference to me ;)

So I challenge all of us out there to extend a kind word to the next mom you see struggling in the grocery store or even just a smile. Her kid might not be undisciplined....they might be having a REALLY bad day....your kindness could be all that is needed to turn that around!

The Soccer Game-Guest Post by the Hubby

Greetings everyone, I am the husband to momma2boys and father to 2boys.  While momma2boys was home with a feverish number 2 son, I took number one son to his soccer game.  His performance compelled me to write.

He pariticipates in 'munchkin' soccer (ages 4-6) and has had a good year.  We have been happy that he goes after the ball instead of cowering or ambling about in a confused manner. He has having a generally good time and is getting better about managing himself when gets overstimulated in practice.  We keep him in soccer because he asks and seems to like it.  

Well, this past saturday was a defining moment for him.  His team, the orange team, was playing the blue team.  Both teams play with heart and spirit.  Both teams have mix of competitive children and ones who are just getting how the game works.  There is a young lady on the blue team, who I swear is the flash incarnate.  When she breaks away from the swarm of feet and the chasing of the ball...look out!  I repeat, this is not just wild hyper energy, this kid is really really fast.  I have a feeling she will be breaking hearts and track records in about ten years.  

Number one son had a great first half of defense.  He actually kicked the ball TO his teammates, and stayed involved in the game.  I was pleased as it was.  I remembered the days when the missus and I would be happy that he would kick the ball once.  Then, coach put him in as goalie.  Ordinarily in the past, he has been placed as goalie and the stronger kids as forwards.   Action would be at the other goal and he would be content to sit back and watch.  Well, today would be different.  

Indeed, action was centered at the opposite goal for a good while.  Then, out of the swarm, "the flash" broke free.  Hurtling down the field at breakneck speed, ball firmly in control, she had her sights set on our goal...and my boy...  It was one on one, flash vs the boy.  Faster and faster, and yet in slow motion the ball was destined for an easy goal.  She let loose on a firey kick to the goal, and then, suddenly, quick as a cat, he pounced and captured the ball with deft precision.  Cheers erupted from the orange faithful parents.  He did it!

He managed to stop a few more goals before he became over exuberant and got out of the goal box and was scored upon twice.  While he may not be destined for a sports career, or even the next level up from munchkin, he has come along way from the days where he would be engulfed in a hoodie, picking grass, and would not play without one of us on the field with him.

And, because of rain outs, the season is still young!  One step at a time, one foot in front of the other.  Celebrate the small victories, and who knows what's ahead. 

What will blogging about the boy do in the long run?

My son is highly sensitive to using "therapy tools" in school. As in he WON'T! No matter what I try or say, he won't use them at school because they make him "different". This makes me wonder just how he is going to react someday when he reads all of "THIS". You know my blog, my posts on the  SPD Blogger Network, my presentation for school teachers. All of the posts about him and what makes him different. I could talk to a stranger on a bus (not that I take the bus, but you get my point) about SPD to teach them about it, to make them aware. I will talk to anyone who will stand still long enough to hear about it, I can't believe I didn't know about it. I can't believe that no one that we came into contact with (doctors, school teachers, my own teacher training) had never heard of it.

 I wonder though how this will all affect him in the long run? Is he going to become an adult who despises the fact it's here on display? Will he appreciate the fact that I was trying to raise awareness? Or will he be upset and feel his privacy violated?

I don't have all of the answers? And I doubt I will stop because I know I have helped others, but I question...is it fair to do it at his expense? Does writing this violate his privacy? I am not profiting from this. Is harm being done? There is no malice. I guess I just wonder about all of this? With the viralness of the internet will a future employer use a "google-like" search engine and find this? If so, will it help or hurt him?

Thoughts to ponder......