Life Lessons

So yesterday was a "rough day"...well more like a "rough event". Let me explain....My husband and I were preparing the house for friends to come and celebrate a fun Mardi Gras dinner with us. He was cooking and I was cleaning. Our oldest was content to play in the basement rumpus room as he does not like the sound of the vacuum, and the younger one joined him when he woke from his nap. Just before our friends were due to arrive, the boys came upstairs and spoke of what they were doing downstairs (I mistakenly thought they were playing with the Duplo blocks down there). I heard "and then the baby rode the trash can, and crashed through the window". Hmmmm???? There are a few dolls down there for the little girl I watch....trash can????? Windows??????  "Hey guys, you weren't playing with my dollhouses were you?" "Oh, sorry mom for breaking your dollhouses." quips the older one like it was nothing.  Well, it wasn't "nothing". :(

Here is some back story on the dollhouses so this makes more sense for the rest of you.  They are "cheap" put-together kits. Not necessarily designed to hold up to the F1 tornado created by my boys. They have not survived being moved twice that well. However, they were built by family friends who are no longer on this earth. AND they were my favorite "toy" when I was a girl, hence them still being around when I am well into my 30s. I hadn't decided their fate, as I have 2 boys, and likely not going to "try" for a girl. I had been thinking that I would share the furniture with friends' daughters when they were old enough, as they are toys and toys should be played with. Which is one of the reasons they are out where the kids can get at them. I don't mind them playing with them. I do mind them destroying them.  So back to that part of the story.

Immediately after the boy "apologized" I went down to survey the damage....they broke the stairs of one, and all of the windows (most are not fixable) and they broke the door off. They also broke the legs off a few pieces of furniture. I was immediately incensed! I screamed back up the stairs for them both to come down, which they did very hesitantly. I yelled at them about how upset I was and how disappointed I was in them, that they need to take better care of all things especially those things that are not theirs! I made them pick up the pieces off the floor and sent them to their beds. I resisted the urge to spank them, because at the point, I knew I was out of control emotionally, and that I would have been spanking them in anger, and probably wouldn't have hit them once or twice. I also resisted the urge to break something of theirs....somewhere I had the thought that this needed to be a "life lesson" not a "we got punished because mom was mad at us" lesson. And to whomever tallies these things I want bonus points for this!

Of course shortly after they were in their rooms our guests arrived, which forced me to calm down-probably a good thing. I went to their rooms and talked with them. I let them see me cry and how sad I was that they broke something of mine and that I was really disappointed in them. I told them that I would need to think about their consequence and talk it over with dad and let them know in the morning.

I chatted with my hubby last night and we decided that they would lose all of their legos, and magnetic blocks...they will have to earn them back by doing chores. I made them pick them all up and give them to me when they got up today. I think they are sad about it, but with so many other toys, do they notice? I hope so.

I am trying to find that  balance between getting them to feel the weight of their actions and making them feel like bad kids. How to teach them respect for other people's things....that is the life lesson for them here.  Not over-reacting and inflicting a "punishment", and actually teaching them their life lesson, is MY life lesson here.

Anyone know of a book about this?  My older one does well with books that speak to the subject.