Typically you will find this blog to be all about SPD and my kiddo who has it. I am going to take a brief, though related, side trip, to talk about a new book I read. It's by an awesome author, whom I have met, named Jill Savage. She is the founder and CEO of Hearts At Home. If you ever wondered what a mothering community looks like-you do not need to look further. I have read many books written by Jill and attended their National Conference 4 times. But I digress.......
The book is called No More Perfect Moms, and you want to buy it the week of February 4th so it gets a big blitz and it hits the New York Times best seller list and reaches more mommas who need to hear about it. But Why? Why would I promote a book like this on a site about SPD. Simple, our lives with our youngins are far from perfect. We have children who act out, or don't and befuddle teachers and other family members. We have stress, weird therapy equipment in our homes, therapies in all different directions, and did I mention stress of all kinds?
You see....no one has a perfect house, they are just better at hiding the clutter. Or maybe they aren't running to OT, to speech, to swim lessons, to...oh wait, we have another kid who might want to be in something...add that to the list. My house is 121 years old this year. There are some rooms that haven't been updated in 20+ years (like my kitchen and bathrooms). However, I have chosen to stay home with my boys. In hindsight I am so glad I did as my "P" wouldn't have done well in daycare. His semi-seeker of a brother, probably less. We have toys and therapy tools as far as the eye can see, many of which greet you upon entering the front door. I personally struggle with this. I want my house to "look" nice so that people don't think I am a bad housekeeper. I don't change the sheets on the bed each week (thank you Jill for giving me the courage to "say that out loud"). I would rather take my kids to the zoo or a museum than clean. Part of me doesn't like it, part of me says, it will be dirty again in 10 minutes. I could spend my whole day cleaning and organizing and NEVER catch up. Kiddos aren't home with me for long, in fact the baby starts Kindergarten next school year....those zoo trips are important! More important than a clean house. Yet, I am still afraid people will judge me for it. I need to let go of that!
Perfect kids, well those of us with kids who have SPD and/or autism know, we DON'T have those perfect kids. Or maybe we do. Maybe they are so good and hold it together so well, that people on the outside don't see why we rush from this therapy to that one. However, what those outsiders don't know is that our kids fall apart when they get home. They don't see that, while yes, my kid gets awesome grades, and does well in school, social situations can be a struggle. Or that yes, he knew how to do that yesterday, but today he forgot. Or that we have to tell him everything that is to come, or he will totally balk at new things....like school spirit week coming up. But here's the thing...other kids have quirks too. No child is perfect...if we didn't clam up all of the time, we might find that out about other moms. They are struggling too. Again, we think other moms will judge us.
The book also talks about our imperfect bodies. I know mine is laced with stretch marks from 2 pregnancies, and after 2 babies, I "leak" when I exercise. Normal, and fixable (when we have better insurance). There I said it. I have to wear a pad when I run. Judge me if you must, but 1. at least I run; and 2. I bet many of you do too ;) I was also overweight. I joined Weight Watchers nearly 2 years ago to lose 20 pounds. I gained 5 back this fall. I am in the process of trying to re-lose it. It's okay. I stress eat and have hormones aplenty!
I am not going to "give away" any more of this awesome book. You simply need to buy it. I wonder though....why do we strive for perfection? Why do we let the thoughts we perceive others to have, dominate our lives? Yes, there are those who will judge us negatively. I understand that. But should their opinions out-rank God's? You see His strength is shown in our weakness. His perfection in our imperfection. I think as women we need to lean on other women. We need to let each other know we don't have it all together. And them someone else come alongside us and help us. It will bless us both!
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Monday, October 22, 2012
All Wet
This boy has hated water on his face since he was about a year old. So much so that washing his hair caused him to vomit. I have put him in swim lessons here and there over the past few years as much for the cheap OT as for learning the strokes. I could teach him that much, I took Water Safety Instructor in college.
He has been working toward getting his face wet, and all of his hair. His instructor is GOLD in my book. She knows him and will push him some, but not over his limit. They also let them wear goggles. :) He also has a little brother who is in Level 1, the big guy is in Level 2. He doesn't want little brother to catch up with him, and I told him the only way to make it to Level 3 is to start putting his face in. And in true Patrick fashion, he did it on his own time. At first he was dunking his head while wearing his "float" (one they use for class). Then after the float was off, he went all the way under with just a hand on the side of the pool. I could have fallen out of my chair!! And this wasn't once, this was repeated at least a dozen times!
Sorry the picture isn't great. My phone doesn't zoom too well, and he wasn't under for super long periods of time either ;) Mine would be the one "belly-down" in the front :D
He has been working toward getting his face wet, and all of his hair. His instructor is GOLD in my book. She knows him and will push him some, but not over his limit. They also let them wear goggles. :) He also has a little brother who is in Level 1, the big guy is in Level 2. He doesn't want little brother to catch up with him, and I told him the only way to make it to Level 3 is to start putting his face in. And in true Patrick fashion, he did it on his own time. At first he was dunking his head while wearing his "float" (one they use for class). Then after the float was off, he went all the way under with just a hand on the side of the pool. I could have fallen out of my chair!! And this wasn't once, this was repeated at least a dozen times!
Thursday, October 18, 2012
The light is shining brightly
Today is a day I wasn't sure would come. Today I got to look at The Boy's annual re-evaluation scores. This year he moved up to a harder test due to his age. Last year he still used the Early Childhood test, and still scored 2-3 1/2 years behind his chronological age in motor skills (both fine and gross). This year he did 4 tests. Two for gross motor; two for fine motor. On one of the gross motor tests he scored AT HIS AGE!!! And the other one only 6 month behind. On the fine motor tests he scored 6 months behind on one and 1 year behind on the other. His OT and I were not too concerned about that as when you look at the scores from each-he is in the "average range". Did you read that? HE IS AVERAGE! :)
INSERT HAPPY DANCE HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fists pumping, happy tears, twirling...and all of that!
Okay I am back. And his OT said that we are about to be done with OT. Not tomorrow, but soon. I am thinking less than a year soon....I am hoping like in 6 months soon. Not because I hate OT-much to the contrary, I will bawl like a little kid who has lost her ice cream to a dirty sidewalk on that day. No, I am happy because it will make a world of difference to not write a $200 check twice a month, but also because, IT WORKED! My guy is a fully functioning member of his classroom. His writing is as good as most of the boys in his class, better even. Not bragging my kid is better-just that for something he has struggled with for so long he is there. He has made it!
I see it in his work this year. I see it in his confidence this year. This is an awesome feeling!
Now, he still has SPD. He WILL ALWAYS have SPD. It's likely that around adolescence we will need to visit an OT again. This is a neurological disorder and when the brain goes through major shifts it throws things back off "balance". He's gonna be my picky eater, and he may never color perfectly in the lines or be a star baseball player, (though neither would his mommy or daddy). He's gonna fit right in the middle with the rest of the kids :) And THAT makes me happiest of all :D
INSERT HAPPY DANCE HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fists pumping, happy tears, twirling...and all of that!
Okay I am back. And his OT said that we are about to be done with OT. Not tomorrow, but soon. I am thinking less than a year soon....I am hoping like in 6 months soon. Not because I hate OT-much to the contrary, I will bawl like a little kid who has lost her ice cream to a dirty sidewalk on that day. No, I am happy because it will make a world of difference to not write a $200 check twice a month, but also because, IT WORKED! My guy is a fully functioning member of his classroom. His writing is as good as most of the boys in his class, better even. Not bragging my kid is better-just that for something he has struggled with for so long he is there. He has made it!
I see it in his work this year. I see it in his confidence this year. This is an awesome feeling!
Now, he still has SPD. He WILL ALWAYS have SPD. It's likely that around adolescence we will need to visit an OT again. This is a neurological disorder and when the brain goes through major shifts it throws things back off "balance". He's gonna be my picky eater, and he may never color perfectly in the lines or be a star baseball player, (though neither would his mommy or daddy). He's gonna fit right in the middle with the rest of the kids :) And THAT makes me happiest of all :D
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Being Involved, but not "Helicoptoring"
So back to school is BUSY! I don't do "fall sports" with my boys because just getting back into school is enough! However, I did sign them both up for swim lessons, weird I know-but I sign up for NOTHING in the summers too! I prefer playtime to structured time, call me old fashioned. And according to a bunch of new studies, old fashioned is on the cutting edge again...but I digress...
So the big boy wanted to join Cub Scouts, mostly at my prompting. He LOVES it! He loves his uniform, he loves the Den meetings, he loves the Pack meetings, he loved the Rain Gutter Regatta we had last weekend. More over, I think he likes being a part of something. He's fully included. Partly because Momma is the Den leader. Now, I came to this position because there wasn't anyone else stepping up. There are only 4 boys in my Den currently, and since they are Tiger Cubs, their parents have to come with. With my teacher background, planning the meetings are fairly simple (at least to me). But I don't have to worry about how someone else is treating him, I am there with him. I don't give him "special treatment". But I am there, and he likes it that I am there.
I am also one of the room mothers for his classroom again this year. I got my first chance to help in his room a week ago and LOVED it! I got to read the class a story and help with an activity while we celebrated one of the teacher's and Clifford, The Big Red Dog's, birthdays. I get to help in his room, but only when invited (yes I can show up whenever, but don't abuse the privilege). And he still likes it when I show up :) I love being there, but I know that I can't be there ALL the time.
It works well for me to sit down with his teacher before school starts and then once school is going I back off and see how things go. I can contact his teacher at any time. My only concern this year has been his lack of eating much for lunch. Tricky thing to learn to eat in 25 minutes while having fun with your friends. However, he has to learn to do it. My only concern was if it was affecting his afternoon learning and behavior, the teacher assured me it wasn't and so we let it go and I pack less in his lunchbox.
You know what I learn? He can do it. If I constantly stand over him, I undermine his confidence. By me being there 24/7, I send the signal that he can't do it on his own. If the end goal is an independent human being, then I fail him if I am there ALL the time. I think the balance is hard for any parent to learn, let alone those parents of special needs children. And I know it will change over time, and I will constantly be finding a new balance as he grows up. But that is my job as mom ;) And it's a pretty awesome job to have!
So the big boy wanted to join Cub Scouts, mostly at my prompting. He LOVES it! He loves his uniform, he loves the Den meetings, he loves the Pack meetings, he loved the Rain Gutter Regatta we had last weekend. More over, I think he likes being a part of something. He's fully included. Partly because Momma is the Den leader. Now, I came to this position because there wasn't anyone else stepping up. There are only 4 boys in my Den currently, and since they are Tiger Cubs, their parents have to come with. With my teacher background, planning the meetings are fairly simple (at least to me). But I don't have to worry about how someone else is treating him, I am there with him. I don't give him "special treatment". But I am there, and he likes it that I am there.
I am also one of the room mothers for his classroom again this year. I got my first chance to help in his room a week ago and LOVED it! I got to read the class a story and help with an activity while we celebrated one of the teacher's and Clifford, The Big Red Dog's, birthdays. I get to help in his room, but only when invited (yes I can show up whenever, but don't abuse the privilege). And he still likes it when I show up :) I love being there, but I know that I can't be there ALL the time.
It works well for me to sit down with his teacher before school starts and then once school is going I back off and see how things go. I can contact his teacher at any time. My only concern this year has been his lack of eating much for lunch. Tricky thing to learn to eat in 25 minutes while having fun with your friends. However, he has to learn to do it. My only concern was if it was affecting his afternoon learning and behavior, the teacher assured me it wasn't and so we let it go and I pack less in his lunchbox.
You know what I learn? He can do it. If I constantly stand over him, I undermine his confidence. By me being there 24/7, I send the signal that he can't do it on his own. If the end goal is an independent human being, then I fail him if I am there ALL the time. I think the balance is hard for any parent to learn, let alone those parents of special needs children. And I know it will change over time, and I will constantly be finding a new balance as he grows up. But that is my job as mom ;) And it's a pretty awesome job to have!
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Mid August Musings
There are days when I think, I didn't sign up for this! Visits to a pediatric GI specialist who had the worst bedside manner with my son. Hello, you are in peds, at least EXPLAIN what a "rectal exam" means to my son before you start and don't leave me to do it for you! :( And meds to induce bowel movements and the laundry from said things....*sigh*.....it wears on a momma. Trying to get his body and brain to work together is no small feat.....
Happy notes include there being two 1st grade classrooms this year! :) And a new principal who worked with kids who had SPD in her previous school. Insert happy sigh here! :) One little boy who is super excited to be in 1st grade now, and one mommy who really sees the value in having given him that extra year of Kindergarten.
When I bring home new rain boots for the boy and I am now the best "mutter" ever! :) And when I dress up to go out with Daddy, and they tell me I am pretty. Yes, I did sign up for this. The good with the bad. That is life...and we go on.
Happy notes include there being two 1st grade classrooms this year! :) And a new principal who worked with kids who had SPD in her previous school. Insert happy sigh here! :) One little boy who is super excited to be in 1st grade now, and one mommy who really sees the value in having given him that extra year of Kindergarten.
When I bring home new rain boots for the boy and I am now the best "mutter" ever! :) And when I dress up to go out with Daddy, and they tell me I am pretty. Yes, I did sign up for this. The good with the bad. That is life...and we go on.
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
When you give birth to opposites
This week continues to be a challenge...especially when you give birth to children with opposite sensory needs. Since the big boy's accident we have been laying low around the house. One, because he can't get his dressings wet or dirty; and two because I am exhausted. I am mentally and physically exhausted. I have still not been sleeping well, and last night the big boy had a rough start, and therefore I didn't sleep as well hearing each and every noise.
However, my younger one is bouncing off the walls...L I T E R A L Y!!!!!!!!!!! I took him with to the doctor's office for the check of the big one to at least get him out of the house...we made a trip to the library to get our weekly prizes, but neither of these are what he really needs...time to run and jump and play-outside!
And now it's getting hot again....how I wish we could take him to the pool and wear him out. I can hope that the big one is cleared for some water things after his visit tomorrow with the specialists. For now, my awesome hubby is giving the small one some jobs outside for a bit to help burn off some energy....
However, my younger one is bouncing off the walls...L I T E R A L Y!!!!!!!!!!! I took him with to the doctor's office for the check of the big one to at least get him out of the house...we made a trip to the library to get our weekly prizes, but neither of these are what he really needs...time to run and jump and play-outside!
And now it's getting hot again....how I wish we could take him to the pool and wear him out. I can hope that the big one is cleared for some water things after his visit tomorrow with the specialists. For now, my awesome hubby is giving the small one some jobs outside for a bit to help burn off some energy....
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Some days are just hard....
Though,honestly, the day hasn't been bad...there have just been moments that are hard. I am still in mental recovery from the ER visit this weekend. I know most people can deal with things in a day or two, but I take a little longer...and come to find out we are throwing PMS into this mix and I am kinda surprised I haven't been committed to a padded room yet, or gained 15 pounds....and the boy's family (birthday) party is this weekend, my house is a TRAIN WRECK!
Here's when my mental "train" derailed....about the time that the boy, who has been on clindamycin for 72 hours spiked a 101 fever.....only 5 hours since he last had motrin. I dosed him again and an hour later he was 102.6 :( Poor baby was just shaking and shivering. I got him to take his antibiotic on the first try which he promptly threw up 5 minutes later :(
I have already called his pediatrician and we get to call after 8 am to make an appointment to see him tomorrow. This could be related to the finger injury, however, it's possible we have a stomach virus in addition to the finger injury as his smaller brother did the same thing Sunday night. When the little one did it, we chalked it up to the vaccines he had gotten about 48 hours before and the chaos and sunburn of Saturday....maybe not....
Oh and we leave for vacation in 10 days in Tampa....where the tropical storm is located currently. And I know the storm will be long gone, but this is the 4th named storm and the "season" just started 25 days ago.....now I am really glad I shelled for the trip insurance!
*SIGH*
Here's when my mental "train" derailed....about the time that the boy, who has been on clindamycin for 72 hours spiked a 101 fever.....only 5 hours since he last had motrin. I dosed him again and an hour later he was 102.6 :( Poor baby was just shaking and shivering. I got him to take his antibiotic on the first try which he promptly threw up 5 minutes later :(
I have already called his pediatrician and we get to call after 8 am to make an appointment to see him tomorrow. This could be related to the finger injury, however, it's possible we have a stomach virus in addition to the finger injury as his smaller brother did the same thing Sunday night. When the little one did it, we chalked it up to the vaccines he had gotten about 48 hours before and the chaos and sunburn of Saturday....maybe not....
Oh and we leave for vacation in 10 days in Tampa....where the tropical storm is located currently. And I know the storm will be long gone, but this is the 4th named storm and the "season" just started 25 days ago.....now I am really glad I shelled for the trip insurance!
*SIGH*
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