The Vacation Let Down-why they are so important!!!

My husband and I *just* got back tonight from a fantastic 3 day trip to New Orleans.  I can't say enough about the city, I could seriously move there tomorrow.  We went, sans kiddos, to celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary. We were long overdue for some time for just us.  We often send our kids away for a night here and there, but haven't gone away ourselves for over 10 months-and that was just downtown Chicago-only 30 minutes from where we live.  About 3 months ago I told my hubby that we needed to GO AWAY for this anniversary.  We needed some time off.  Don't get me wrong I LOVE my boys and missed them terribly.  However, it was awesome to be able to go out together and not be "separated" by the boys.  We could converse and hold each other's hands, not our kids. We had the BEST time!  I miss NOLA already ;)

Now comes the let down.  And while mine is there, and the fun of having my husband all to myself, this is more of my son's.  Our 3 year old faired pretty well.  He was so excited to see us when we arrived just before bedtime tonight.  He had chatted with us on Skype twice this week.  He really liked seeing my husband and I and talking with us.  Our older son, doesn't not like Skype or the phone.  And he is the one with the "let down".

So far he has had two bathroom accidents, one of each variety. And I got a recap of a fire safety movie when we were tucking him into bed-3 times.  We tried to keep things as normal as we could but when other people are taking care of them, different things are going to happen.  And it's really gonna be okay!  He has to learn to "roll" with things on occasion.  Life can't always be controlled and predictable.  Of the 3 nights, only one was spent in a different house, and he was in school all day, which is the same and fairly predictable. His teacher was well warned of what was going to happen.  Thankfully, neither of the bathroom accidents happened at school. 

What do you do when your kid has a fairly severe case of SPD?  If you are married, you invest in your marriage!  You go, and pick up the pieces when you get home! Our job (my husband and I) as parents is to equip these little fledglings to one day fly from our nest. I don't want to look over on that day, and see a stranger married to me.  And my sons need to learn to deal with different authority figures.  Now I don't think that my husband and I will be able to plan a 14 day vacation anytime soon, nor could we afford it, but 3 days was just perfect.  Enough time to reconnect and dream together again.  And just enough time for our son to cope with some changes, but not to the point he was overwhelmed.

Ideas for older Students

Please comment under this any ideas you have for older, 4th grade and up, students.  I am making a presentation for my son's private K-8 school in less than a week.  I have a presentation that is geared mainly to Early Childhood, as that is how old my son is, and it was an Early Childhood Conference that I first presented this information too.

Mommy and Daddy Time

The hubby and I are about to embark on a 3 day whirlwind, trip to New Orleans.  This is the longest I have been away from the kids in their whole lives.  I am so excited to spend 3 days with my husband and start the celebration of 10 years of marriage!  However, I am equally scared to leave my boys.  They will spend one night at a friend's house and then 2 nights at home, and then we are back.  Trying for minimal disruption for the SPD kiddo and his somewhat sensitive brother. All we can do is wait and see......

Our conversation at bedtime tonight :D

I am remembering this the best I can.....I soooo wish I would have had a recording device!!!!

P:"Mom, Carrie died.  I miss her".  Me, "I know honey, we all do". (Carrie was in his class last year and lost her 6 year battle with a brain tumor this past Saturday at the age of 7 :( We attended her funeral together on Wednesday)

P: "How did she get to Heaven?"; Me:"Jesus came and carried her to Heaven."

P: "How?"; Me:"Well Jesus can do anything, He's amazing.  He carried Carrie, like he carried Grandma Schuller and Grandpa Jerry."

P:" And Mrs. Ullman too." (at this point I am crying-Mrs. Ullman was a beloved Sunday School teacher who died of rare bladder cancer at the beginning of June)"I still miss Carrie."  Me:"I know, and Jesus knows too.  He comes and gives us hugs when we are sad."

P:"He gives us hugs when we are sad with His hands, just like you mom." (momma trying to hold back tears) Me:"Yes, honey, just like that."

P:"Jesus loves us mommy." Me:"Yes, Jesus loves you even more than I do." P:"Jesus loves me like you do, and he takes us to His house in Heaven when we die."

There there was some more conversation about Jesus and prayer and talking to God and Jesus.  Then he comes back with:"Church is God's house.  Our church in Munster, Indiana-you can see his eye (those of you who have been in our church you know that there is a huge stained glass eye shape above the alter). He doesn't talk there because you can't see his other eye or his nose or mouth."  (okay so that had me giggle a bit!)

Then the conversation turned to us on the Earth...worms that live in the Earth.....then to subway trains should be called "earth trains" like worms are called "earth worms".I almost hated to make his little tired brain go to sleep-and still wished I had tape recorded this conversation!

And I also know that I need to not talk like he isn't listening.  He hears it all and processes more than I realize.

I'll even take the meltdown today....

Heaven gained a dear sweet angel on Saturday morning.  Carrie no longer has cancer or pneumonia or a blood infection.  God made her perfect and whole once again.  :(

My son fell into a futon (of his own clumsiness) and has a huge gash in his lower lip (fully inside, no stitches) and knocked his two upper front (baby) teeth loose-neither of the bottom teeth are loose yet.  He is on no gym, recess, or other rambunctious behavior until they heal. :(

Tonight he had an epic meltdown-over not setting the table.  Of which when asked he told me he didn't want to.  I gave his brother the job and he lost it.  Stomping and crying and yelling.  Not wanting to eat dinner.  It took well over a 1/2 hour and me moving his plate back to the counter for him to set, and get his sticker, before he calmed down.

I'm gonna guess one or both of the above problems is triggering this.  Carrie's funeral is tomorrow, we are going.  I decided that the wake would be too much for him this week.  We are also taking him home 1/2 day, as he is on a soft food diet for 7-10 days. :(

But he's here with me, for better or worse.  So is his little brother, who also has been having epic meltdowns-he just got potty trained and started preschool today. Hopefully, we have many more tomorrows.  I'm not sure how I would handle it, if there were no more :(

The Dinner Meltdown-Mine

So we are into the second full week of school. 

I am not back into the "right body clock". 

The toilet overflowed into the kitchen and also into the basement-onto the baby paraphernalia stored down there.

Had to make a weekday run to Target with both boys (who thankfully were really good since I let them bring their wallets and buy something).

I am totally craving tons of chocolate-and not supposed to eat too much since I am doing Weight Watchers to try and get to a healthier weight.

So when the boys protested dinner....I went into a 2 minute lecture about how I was gonna send them to bed, or take their new toys back, if they didn't stop fighting me RIGHT NOW and go eat.  And really eat, not 2 bites and call it done.

Now, I know that "losing it" this way isn't that "bad".  It could have been much worse.  But I still just didn't like myself for a minute.  Did I mention that I wanted to yell at my hubby for not telling me the toilet was going to overflow into the basement? And it is his birthday today! 

And I am trying to potty train the 3 year old as he starts preschool in 6 days! 



Can we say Mommy is on overload?  The SPD kiddo had a rough first week back and took a mental health day on Friday (after vomiting Thursday night-and was TOTALLY fine the next day).  We considered holding off the 4 full days for a while, but have decided to 'stay the course' for now. 

Mommy needs to take some deep breaths, go to bed early, and relax.  It will all work itself.

When we disagree

So the boy isn't dealing with the new school year as well as we had hoped, but better than last year.  We went from 1/2 day Kindergarten, to full day Kindergarten.  His teacher suggested that maybe we back off 4 full days (he is 1/2 day on Friday's due to our OT time), to maybe just 2 or 3 for couple of weeks. I tend to agree.

His father isn't on board with this though.   Now before you start thinking this is gonna be one of those "mommy the gate-keeper bashes daddy" let me tell you, this isn't one of those!  I love my husband and he is an amazing dad.  I value his input and being with me for nearly every conference that we have had for the boy. 

So what do you do?  There are many options available to me.  I can override him and just do what I think is best.  I can just go with his option.  Or we can talk about it; give it a rest; pray about it; and then talk some more.  Right now we are on option #3.  We have talked about it, and we both have valid reasons for our points of view.  We aren't at compromise stage yet, so we are thinking some more and praying.  At some point soon we will "reconvene" and discuss again to see if either has shifted their point.

So what's my point here?  My husband is a powerful ally in this.  I very much value his thoughts and the fact he is willing to go with me and be involved with our sons is best for all of us in the long run!  If I override him, he will stop giving his opinion.  He will stop being so involved because I will be acting as if I don't need him.  When in reality there is nothing further from the truth!  God created 2 parents for a reason, balance.  My boys need need that balance!